»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #14
»
one haiku
| Open Poetry #14 |
|
one haiku |
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA 
|
missing my moonlight the shimmer of emerald eyes the moon becomes jade -------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
KokoStewartKoomoa Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580Waikiki, Hawaii |
wonderful!!!! excellent haiku with powerful imagery and emotions expressed... thanKS FOR YOUR WELCOME BACK , MY FRIEND! Aloha with warmest regards, Koko |
||
|
Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
ohhhhh sven how beautiful is this....love it. Charisma |
||
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
It's a beauty! Moonlight being my favorite. Sandra |
||
|
Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Sven, this was beautiful! *sighs* really lovely hon. take care. amy  "but i see your true colors, |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I would have changed the last line....to read.... the moon comes jaded.... but don't ask me why... but I like it, I like it! [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 06-30-2001).] |
||
|
Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Wonderful Haiku. Nicely penned. |
||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sven~ Only because you ask - "how I can make it better" missing my moonlight (5) the shimmer of emerald eyes (8) the moon becomes jade (5) miss·ing my moon·light (5) shim·mer of em·er·ald eyes (7) the moon be·comes jade (5) It is a nice Senryu, as opposed to a Haiku. Or perhaps a 'Svenryu' ...  Nice to see you stretching. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
It looks really good to me, loved it! |
||
|
Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
A SVENryu - I luv it  This is very beautiful and I love the imagery, you should write haikus/senryus/tankas more often!~ Take care, Melissa~ |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Maddening when we see that beauty everywhere we go isn't it? This is beautiful. |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Koko, thank you my friend. . . always nice to see you!! Charisma, glad that you enjoyed my friend. . . Sandra, I have this thing about moonlight as well. . . thank you. . . Amy, thank you!! Thank you for reading my friend. . .  Sunshine, that's an interesting idea. . . thank you. . . I may use that line somewhere else. . . Poeminister, thank you my friend. . . Marge, thanks!! I guess I missed that one!! walker, thank you. . . glad that you enjoyed. . . Melissa, ok, let's not go naming poetic forms after me ok?? LOL I do like writing these, kind of fun to try to get so much in so small a space. . . Temptress, yes, it is maddening. . . especially when the source of that beauty is so far away. . . thank you. . . ------------------------------------------------------- All writing comes |
||
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Sorry about that folks. . . the above is from me and not from Lone Wolf. . . that's what I get for not fixing that before I hit the submit button!!  ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
