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Open Poetry #14
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riderless white horse
| Open Poetry #14 |
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riderless white horse |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Yesterdays come creeping into my time I should be sleeping Tomorrows taunt without remorse like a riderless white horse In the distance of my eye I hear the whinny compromised Muscled flank in rippled buck mocking me-- as feathers plucked from a love-struck fattened hen... it's good that I can't die again one by one no longer flinch inured of thirst inept of quench. No longer do I feel the pain of wishing for what can't be gained. I give up. Yes I gave in. You, the prize I just can't win. And now I feel the hardening and wonder what's become of me. I do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end. Just one day without the thought of you and all the joy you brought. A pendulum, you were to me-- I pulled the chain--in cherished keep. Then, release to watch you sway... pained to see you sail away. However close you came to me? Was just how far you fled for free. |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I give up. Yes I gave in. You, the prize I just can't win. And now I feel the hardening and wonder what's become of me. Just one day without the thought of you and all the joy you brought. A pendulum, you were to me-- I pulled the chain--in cherished keep. Then, release to watch you sway... pained to see you sail away. However close you came to me? Was just how far you fled for free. Oh me Sista, all I can say is WOW! Maree  |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
"I do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end. Just one day without the thought of you and all the joy you brought. A pendulum, you were to me-- I pulled the chain--in cherished keep. Then, release to watch you sway... pained to see you sail away. However close you came to me? Was just how far you fled for free." This is painful hurting writing Celeste. I have to say that the sorrowful power of the write is amazing! Heart piercing! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
OH my. I do feel YOU in this one. Excellent write!  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Very powerful verse Your words are felt Thank you for this wonderful poem Liz |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, Excellent write no matter the pain. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end. ( smiling) such words you do write!! Enjoyed! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
omg K omg you just sucked me into this woman! don't know whether to say thanks or just cry... And now I feel the hardening and wonder what's become of me. yup - I can relate... A pendulum, you were to me-- I pulled the chain--in cherished keep. Then, release to watch you sway... pained to see you sail away. However close you came to me? Was just how far you fled for free. well gee...guess I can relate to that also... My one criticism relates to the title metaphor actually...not sure it works in here hon...the whinny compromised? Can I say 'I dinna like it' heh.... But overall - phew...blows me away...really. Well done dear  KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Omigod, Karen, this is one heck of an emotional powerhouse! An awesome write, I relate all too well, it's a keeper~ Take care, Melissa~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
FIRST K...I have come up with some alternative for ya, instead of: I hear the whinny compromised-- How about? like a ninny undisguised-- OR? eat at Denny's, order fries-- hmmm... copper pennies, shiny lies... You are right again, my k twin-- the possibilities are endless!  Love you!  but this ninny is keeping the whinny!Maree...thank you lovie! Yer always so kind to me. HUGS. Eric...you are a sweetheart and a delightful comfort to me too... Thanks and  Sharon, I guess I slipped--sigh...I WANNA WRITE HAPPY--I do, I really do. sniff... Liz--how wonderful to see you here...Warm hugs and my gratitude. Thank you! Seymour? I think you are just the sweetest cuddle bunny! Thank you. Melissa--thank you my friend. A pleasure to hear from you again... CH--did not mean to neglect you. I admire your work much and value your opinion...Thank you! and now serenity is off in search of the elusive happiness...and yep, K...whinnying all the way...snort!  Thanks with love to all! [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 06-29-2001).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No longer do I feel the pain of wishing for what can't be gained. I give up. Yes I gave in. You, the prize I just can't win. And now I feel the hardening and wonder what's become of me. I do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end. Just one day without the thought of you and all the joy you brought. A pendulum, you were to me-- I pulled the chain--in cherished keep. Then, release to watch you sway... pained to see you sail away. However close you came to me? Was just how far you fled for free. =================================== mirrors ... bittersweet beautiful poetic mirrors.  meWe're all feeding our lonely like it might go away, |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Fantastic write and marvelous ending...but this stanza, for some reason, gave me a cheshire cat smile. I do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
friglog (ask K) There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Oh geez, you must have known the same man, you MUST HAVE! I think this is such a special poem, I can't really pick the best part, but here is my favorite, anyway. "I give up. Yes I gave in. You, the prize I just can't win. And now I feel the hardening and wonder what's become of me. I do not wish for that cold place-- nor bitter lines upon my face. I guess it was too much to ask. I leave you to the karmic asp and pray the bite won't do you in... as I pray for longing's end." God I hope the karmic asp gets him!! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
A powerful and compelling write Serenity ... incredible phrasing and imagery. I really enjoyed this piece! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
this is one of the best of yours I've seen, serenity...white horses are overrated anyway  |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Whinney away, sounds like a good whinny would do you wonders! What a fantastic piece of poetry and each time I read a new one they get better and better! I am just sorry that it was this subject that produced my favorite of yours to date. Can I give a hug long distance? If I have made you smile today, then I have done my job! ~* Mysteria *~ |
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