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Open Poetry #14

New Blade

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2001-06-28 04:04 AM

New Blade

I am
not
the weakest
link
I am
strong
I can
think
try to tear me to
shreds
repair myself
with these
threads
in the ashes
of blazing
fire
a new form
will
transpire
more solid a blade
of sword
before
bend nor break
nevermore

"...the rest is silence" (Hamlet) Shakespeare

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2001-06-28 05:16 AM

Very nice enjoyed reading,
But

transpire
more solid a blade
of sword
before

made a slight stumble
perhaps it’s the “more solid a blade”
I keep wanting to say it “more solid of a blade”
Or even “more solid of blade” even with the of sword that follows.
Minor point only.
I am a fan of short line poetry.

Gloom

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2001-06-28 05:18 AM

                                     "a new form
                                            will
                                          transpire
                                       more solid a blade
                                          of sword
                                           before
                                        bend nor break
                                         nevermore"

This is a great write ! I really enjoyed the read!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-06-28 08:26 AM

enjoyed

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

4 posted 2001-06-28 09:01 AM

In truth a blade of tempered steel will strengthen as more heat it feels.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve"

g-hm
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 85

5 posted 2001-06-28 09:13 AM

That's a girl. Hang in there.
You are strong. Not weak.

bslicker

Member Elite

since 2000-12-04

Posts 2321
state of mind

6 posted 2001-06-28 11:37 AM

Good Idea

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

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