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Open Poetry #14
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Finding Us---with a plea for suggestions--maybe "Finding Locus" ???
| Open Poetry #14 |
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Finding Us---with a plea for suggestions--maybe "Finding Locus" ??? |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Virginia Salter Cat’s in the cradle who’s Betty Grable The cows are up fore noon Mystery’s a fable clue’s in the label Hark! It’s the sparrow’s tune. Ring of pirouettes before the sun sets Swimming the lake in line Cat and dog pets sweet violets As the sea gulls come in to dine. Music by the score floats over shore Stones stand firm their ground Tides do pour the sea foam more Waves crash over, ‘round. Sweet harmony beside the sea Seeks communion full All gather free to live and be Dressed in peace-filled lull. Though we came about from a realm far out Love centered us to core No need to shout nor cry or pout We’re one forever more. © June 26, 2001 Now, I need help with the title. I'm having a senior moment and I'm not even sure I can find the words to tell you what I want the title to convey, since I can't think of the word to use for the title. I want the poem to be about two souls wandering, seeking their mate, their destinies. The piece starts out in random disjointedness and then comes together with meaning and comraderie, even 'communion' of two beings, their centering to peaceful companionship. And all's right with the world. I really don't want to use the word "Us," but rather the word I can't think of at this point. Have I explained myself well enough for you to offer suggestions? [This message has been edited by VAS (edited 06-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Virginia Salter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
VAS, The Core of More. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Gee, so nice. I really liked it very much. "unified core" "unified" ?????? |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
VAS.. I am not at all sure what I could offer to help you... seems complete to me and anything I would add or suggest would only take away from what you have completed.. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
but, but, but, Cpat, I'm looking only for a word other than 'us' for the title. Something like "Finding Our Center" but that's not it, it's just not. Somewhere in the recesses of this increasingly grey gray matter, there's a word...but I can't find it. I hope it's not been thrown in the trash and emptied. :0{ oh, me, oh, my. Thanks for checking to try. And Sy and Interloper, thank you, both, too. It's just not there yet. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
VAS... This poem stats with a nursery rhyme image...and moves through that image to one of the sea... perhaps rather than us..it is WE you search for... I am truly not sure how to respond in part because the form itself..is so different from what I write that the images and theme are brought out differently... and that difference makes a title more difficult for me to help with. Evolution might be another possible title, I am so sorry..but I too am having a crisis of grey matter today... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
heh heh heh, well at least I am in good company. Thank you for your attention. I was thinking you had thought I'd wanted help with the poem rather than the title. That's why I made my add'l plea. I so appreciate your responses, honest! |
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