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Open Poetry #14
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-06-12 01:55 AM



Remarkable-
my spirit
new
without
a dance
in one
heeled shoe?
It shows
in every
hobbled step...
without you?
I am quite inept.


I am more simple
than I seem.
I am the peach
desiring cream
chill of spoon
ladled dream
solitaire
of nightly scream.


Funny me,
how I must be
to you I be a secret kept.
A bit of peach
bereft of beach
bobbing in the river--Lethe.


© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
1 posted 2001-06-12 02:04 AM


I like this a lot, and the second stanza really got me with the image. Smoothly done, and even that praise isn't good enough for this. Love your work, lady. I hope you are having a good night.

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2001-06-12 05:03 AM


Hey Celeste..........I..I  w..wonder...if

                                    "I am more simple
                                         than I seem.
                                        I am the peach
                                        desiring cream
                                        chill of spoon
                                         ladled dream
                                          solitaire
                                       of nightly scream."

could I pour that cream over ya....I mean I could be very helpful.

I had to catch you in this verse before you got bobbing in the river of oblivion!

Great poem!

The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up
spaces of consciousness and resistance; to language oppressions; to
re-language historie

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-06-12 05:10 AM


Thanks Temp...(It ain't easy being a peach!   ) and ETHOME? I swear I was gonna try to sleep now! GROAN....oh the misery of it all..    


...thank you,  

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2001-06-12 08:04 AM


It shows
in every
hobbled step...
without you?
I am quite inept.
========================

mirrors baby...mirrors...
and yer peaches and creme with raspberries drizzled on top *winkie*    

she said I dont know why you ever would lie to me
like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
~MB20~

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

5 posted 2001-06-12 08:42 AM


interesting mix of images... not at all sure how the last stanza ties together with peach and beach... but I enjoyed the read and am probably missing sommething...so it isn't a reflection on your writing that I don't understand the ending
Tovi
Member
since 2001-06-05
Posts 168

6 posted 2001-06-12 09:47 AM


serentiy, you are so very talented.  I've enjoyed your writing so much.  The imagery in this is stunning.  

Not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Secret Whisper
Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298
Through the Looking Glass
7 posted 2001-06-12 12:14 PM


"bobbing in the river--Lethe."-- loved the reference to Dante. Excellent write. I like the meter used in it.

"We also know how cruel the truth often is, and we wonder whether delusion is not more consoling."- Henri Poincare (1854-1912)

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
8 posted 2001-06-12 03:58 PM


Miss Peach, you have done it again. This is too perfect, the flow, the words, the images, the thoughts behind it. All much enjoyed.
Sandra

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
9 posted 2001-06-12 03:59 PM


I must say, I love your style!!  

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
10 posted 2001-06-12 04:02 PM


Wonderful writing as always, serenity.  Nicely done.

Poeminister

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
11 posted 2001-06-12 04:03 PM


It shows
in every
hobbled step...
without you?
I am quite inept.


this piece is utterly SUPERB
the above section shows so PERFECTLY how out of sync/balance/form one is when they lose their 'left heel'

esclandre
Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62
Northern California
12 posted 2001-06-12 05:42 PM


I think I see what you're saying here. I like this - though I did have to laugh at the end, which didn't seem fitting somehow with the rest of the poem. Just my input!

Esclandre

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2001-06-12 07:47 PM


JM...thanks me lovely!   lovin' the raspberry tea too (YEP....got me some!) ooh, the things I type...you need to try that stuff with mardi gras water! lol...thanks luv...with hugs.

CH...obviously many have problems with the ending...and sigh of sighs, endings in life are equally confusing and quite often have nothing to do with either the beginning or the middle...and somehow they always catch me off guard too.

Tovi...thank you. I do so enjoy your work as well. I'm gratified that you seem to understand.

SW...Let me hug you, not only did you understand the ending? you seem to like it! LOL...Drinks are on me!  

Sandra? MISS PEACH? rofl...OKAY okay, but you may call me "fuzzy"   love ya lady!

LW, my friend, I have missed you! I do hope all is well with you and I thank you so much for reading!!! Big Hugs.

Poe---I do thank you...yer a doll!  

Virginia, I do so appreciate you! Thank you, dearheart! Hugs to you as well!

escalandre--I'm glad you found some humor in the ending. Maybe someday I can too.

As always, my gratitude goes out to the forum! Hugs and love to all!


Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
14 posted 2001-06-12 08:27 PM


I loved this stanza!:

I am more simple
than I seem.
I am the peach
desiring cream
chill of spoon
ladled dream
solitaire
of nightly scream.

Great flow of spirit here!

Corinne

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2001-06-30 04:42 AM


Thank you, Corinne. I have been silently enjoying your work for quite a long time---love the the slow metaphors which turn into classic allegories...THANK YOU!  
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