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Confession
| Open Poetry #14 |
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Confession |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
**this poem/prayer was written by request of a loved one to be read (as if written by him) at his "final baptismal". Written in late 99, my only copy was lost shortly after in a computer mishap, the only other copy, his, was found folded up in a bible with assorted other poems. This poem may not be for everyone...but I wanted it to be in with the rest of my work here. Thank you for understanding. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Confession~ Please forgive me Lord ... for I know not the whys of what I do, for divine deliverance ... in prayer, I ask these things of you. For so long now dear Lord ... I've been searching for your light, lost in eternal darkness ... I've been enslaved to the night. I come before you now ... with this heavy, heart of stone, Lord this heart beats venial ... Lord for my sins I wish to atone. My Lord you know I am tired ... you know the toll upon my soul, salvation shall complete me ... only forgiveness makes me whole. Father, I know that I have fallen ... I have strayed from my path, temptation made me weak ... and I have felt your angry wrath. Innocence, I have taken ... but Lord, it was taken from me first, blinded to the reasons ... my life seemed destined to be cursed. Lord, I make no excuses ... for the sins and mistakes I've made, I have sold my soul to the devil ... and lost my heart in the trade. Far too many times Lord ... I have taken the wrong road, For the sins of the fathers ... my burden has been a heavy load. I have lived in denial ... I have tasted my own shame ... I've failed you many times Lord ... for my sins I claim the blame. I've wandered in the shadows ... I've been owned by unending sorrow, A thousand times I've died ... only to awaken unmercifully in the morrow. For those I have betrayed Lord ... I must now hold out my hand in trust, No longer can I live this way ... I understand I cannot sate my every lust. I realize the lessons learned ... for every indiscretion there is cost, I have paid the price ten fold Lord ... for all my life I have been lost. Lord, I beg of you ... help me to finally make my wrongs right, bathe me in your forgiveness ... baptize me in your light. For only when I give myself to you ... will I truly learn to fly ... only when I love myself Lord ... can I then look you in the eye. And I know too Lord ... my life has not been a complete curse, I know you have bestowed me gifts ... wrapped in rhyme and verse. I know I've much to be thankful for ... as I have also been blessed, both angels and brothers ... have held me with patience to their breast. I have known love Lord ... the kind that heals my tattered wings, I've learned life's lessons ... wisdom instilled by prophets and kings. I have seen my own reflection ... in my children's adoring eyes, I have been held in a gentle love ... which granted me wings of butterflies. So I come to you my Heavenly Father ... down on bended knee, and I pray for this second chance Lord ... to rewrite my destiny. Only by your merciful touch Lord ... can I ever hope to be reborn, only by keeping my promises ... those upon which I am now sworn. I am ready to make amends Lord ... for in you I do believe ... I have been witness to your light ... your gifts I am ready to receive. In the arms of unconditional love ... I can learn to love me as I love thee, Your love makes me strong Lord ... your forgiveness sets me free. Build me a bridge my Lord ... so that I may cross to the other side ... as I kneel before you now ... I am your servant forsaking all false pride. I understand Lord ... your request is the both the first and final word, I accept what thou asks of me ... thy voice, the sweetest ever heard. All my life I have searched for this ... I have forever sought a sign, I have looked to the heavens above ... seen the moon and sun align. I've found inclusion ... in these moments between moments in time, offered myself up to thee ... worshiped thee on pedestals of rhyme. Still I know my Father ... I have miles to go before I may sleep ... please hear this prayer dear Lord ... this lost soul is yours to keep. In thy light my battle won ... Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, for thou art the divine one ... and I live only to be thy forgiven son. Janet Marie for DeVante'...as requested ... with undying love ... the wind beneath your wings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 06-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wonderful that you found this copy Janet...its simply beautiful...looks like you put lots of care into this one...James |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Oh, Janet Marie, this brought the wetness to this old man's eyes, How wonderful, and thank you so much for posting it...gentle smile |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
JanetMarie, you were an excellent an apt pupil, and he is smiling because you always keep your promises... |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Wow! Janet, this is amazing and so deep from your heart! I am sure that God smiles with your words, and if I may, I'll share them with you  Take care, Melissa~ |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Janet~ your gift is amazing..... thank you for sharing this with us.....(((big hug))) ~SEA |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
My dear poet pet I'm so glad you reposted this......these beautiful verses are the words of a totally open and honest heart reflecting on a lifetime of imperfection. We all are imperfect and this of course proves it so clearly! "I have known love Lord ... the kind that heals my tattered wings, I've learned life's lessons ... wisdom instilled by prophets and kings. I have seen my own reflection ... in my children's adoring eyes, I have been held in a gentle love ... which granted me wings of butterflies" To open ones heart and mind in such a fashion is a reflection on the very substance of their soul! Thanks for sharing Janet and I know somewhat how your feelings are involved. The fact that you posted this is just a small example of your loving kindness!! Excellent writing! The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet--so overpowering is this poem...it takes my breath, yet makes me sigh...Thank you for your loving talent. Hugs! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
JanetMarie, this is a beautiful piece of writing. It is obvious to anyone reading it that your heart is guiding your pen and your blood is mixed in with the ink to create your thoughts...you are so talented. I stand in awe of your abilities to create things like this... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I remember this one. (How could I forget?) This is a delectable rendering, and the poetry of unselfish love shines through, m'twin! Thanks for the repost--warmed my heart once again. You are a remarkable poet, lady! |
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pres56 Junior Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 28 |
Really beautifully written. pres |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JanetMarie~ I love you ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I have lived in denial ... I have tasted my own shame ... I've failed you many times Lord ... for my sins I claim the blame. I've wandered in the shadows ... I've been owned by unending sorrow, A thousand times I've died ... only to awaken unmercifully in the morrow. such beautiful words..all of them not just these... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
My words could not do this justice....simply lovely... Lauren~ *** Nothing Beautiful In This World |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
lovely and beautiful thread, the entire presentation! Well done, Janet Marie Kathleen Blake |
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Watersign6 Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823Hurricane,WV |
beautiful poem, I am smiling from ear to ear from reading this one and I know the Lord is too,you write oh so wonderfully  |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Janet Marie~ this gift you gave to him...and then it came back to you...and now to all of us...the gift of love without expectation or judgement, love that knew not the hands of time, love that was as pure as the hearts that gave it. Man/Woman can leave thier marks on the body and the soul but the heart stays as pure as the love that embraces and accepts it...and your love is what made it possible for another to accept this and find the peace needed to go on to the arms of heaven that awaited him~ I love you girlie...for the love that you gave, the love that you give and all the reasons in between~ Where Do They Go? Mama....where do butterflies go when they die When their wings break and they can no longer fly Do they go to heaven or do they simply blow away As much as I want them to...they never ever stay Sweet child come close and settle next to me I will tell you where Butterflies go to be free They are sent to us as caterpillars...chained upon the ground No color to adorn them..no happiness to be found They dream each night of a land free from shame They awake each morning looking just the same When they cannot possibly take anymore heartache They shed a final tear and they feel their soul break That one tear weaves them a silken womb Within this shell it’s true beauty will bloom When it’s ready to share all that it has learned The dull caterpillar to exquisite butterfly will be turned It fills the sky with color and grace in flight And brings to you and I the beauty of it’s sight It’s not proud nor does it boast..for it knows where it came The quest of it’s flight is to find another heart just the same When that person is found...it lands upon his soul And kisses him with it’s Butterfly wings...making him whole That is when the Butterfly is free...to sing with a heavenly chime It’s spirit living in the dreams of a human caterpillar this time Mama...how do you know so much about this Butterfly you speak How do you know why it flies and what it does seek Sweet child...look into my eyes and hear as I tell you how A Butterfly once kissed my heart...His spirit lives within me now As I rested upon this hill without hope or a dream to chase I awoke to the caress of Butterfly kisses upon my face A light was placed within my heart and the dreams returned to me I then heard the sweetest voice sing....“Butterflies are meant to be Free” |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Janet, there are no words to describe the beauty in this. Wonderful....*s* Donna On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, This poem speaks for itself. Each reader will see it in a different light. This is something I strive for and still have to reach. I pray each day that soon one of my poems will strike this goal and truely speak my soul. Love Sy |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Still I know my Father ... I have miles to go before I may sleep ... please hear this prayer dear Lord ... this lost soul is yours to keep." This is superb JM ... so filled with the many thoughts that circle our minds at a precious moment when we seek salvation. Truly a splendid piece, with a wonderful flow from verse to verse. This I shall tuck away for the days I need my own delicate reminders ... beautiful Janet Marie. Best wishes, /Kit |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Dear Janet, I have no idea where to begin.... I am lost in the warmth of the words you have shared with us. Thank you and much love and hugs, Mom Earth |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Janet, this is the most beautiful prayer I've ever read, as a prayer thats written with love could ever be. I can see you were as much a wonderful poet then as you are now... thanks for sharing these so personal gifts from your life with DeVante'. Each one has touch my heart and I look forward to reading them. Parker |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
thank you so much for sharing, Isn't it awesome, how God is always there 24-7. |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
I am speechless. I can't believe you wrote this FOR someone else to say. You must have been very very close. It's pure honesty........ and.... I'm so honored that you would post this here for all of us to read and learn from. You are truly gifted...... by every meaning of the word. I'm not a relgious person per se (although I'm very spirtual if that means anything) and......... the FEELING you describe is I'm sure what any dying man would say.. if he only had your gift of words. Thank you......... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I wanted to reply to each of you on this individually, to tell each how your reply touched me...moved me...humbled me...healed me... but emotinally, right now, Im not sure I can and I dont think my words would ever do you all justice.. your continued acceptance of my writings for him..and the way you honor him as well... for that thank you is just far to little to say. I wasnt sure this should be posted...but still I wanted it here with the rest of my work... you all let me know I made the right decision in sharing. If I am the "gifted" poet as you so generously compliment me with those words of honor ..it is because of him... he gave that to me in his love and need of me. He was an exceptional poet... He wrote like Poe and Shakespeare combined bleeding like Poe...rhyming and dreaming like Shakes ... and somewhere a long the line...as I write... when I need him most... he flows thru my pen...as he does my heart. I cant take credit for it...and I dont question it any more...I simply treasure the gift and the traces left behind. I thank you all for seeing him in my words... my love and respect to poetry land..always. jm |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
EVery word you write speaks straight from your heart, this makes makes your poetry special and powerful. KNowing that poem came from a very special part of you makes this poem especially powerful and beautiful. I know that Vante is at peace now and will joyful that your tribute to him has affected so many people at this site. "Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'Please forgive me Lord ... for I know not the whys of what I do, for divine deliverance ... in prayer, I ask these things of you. For so long now dear Lord ... I've been searching for your light, lost in eternal darkness ... I've been enslaved to the night.' 'Lord, I beg of you ... help me to finally make my wrongs right, bathe me in your forgiveness ... baptize me in your light. For only when I give myself to you ... will I truly learn to fly ... only when I love myself Lord ... can I then look you in the eye.' J...now, I'm not very good at expressing such heartfelt emotion, such as the kind I experienced while reading this...but I will say that poets must be on the same wavelength, because you couldn't have posted this at a better time...this has spoken to me in such a manner that I could never explain...so, thank you, m'friend, for your impeccable timing...excellent, excellently written... sp  I hopelessly, helplessly, wonder why |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
AHEM...this didn't get bumped for some reason when I replied...or perhaps it's just my bizarre computer...ANYWAY...bump again...  |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Janet, this is truly a remarkable piece... one of the most powerful poems I've read in a good long whiile. One line in particular stuck me numb: "A thousand times I've died ... only to awaken unmercifully in the morrow" God, I know that!!! Thank you for such a beautiful work. Michael |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Bri-babes...thank you for that, you know what it means to me ... Kris...if this speaks to you or anyone who needs it .. and if it helps you see the light youre searching for.... then I know it was right to post it. Michael ...no ...it is I who thanks you....very much. thank you again to all who replied to this with such wonderful encouragement and compliments. jm |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Janet Marie- this is so beautiful... and so full of your heart. i'm so glad you found this and were able to share it here. hugs, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
U really are the brilliant one, my friend... Thank you for sharing this gem... Regards, Sudhir "I was born intelligent - education ruined me" |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Janet I just had to read this again....it's so touching and I love you for it....have a nice day! |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
Every line I wondered how there could possibly be one more...perfect line. The thought, honesty and purity of this were almost overwhelming! |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
Seeing your gifted responses to those poets who acknowledge beauty, and light, tells me... you are beauty and light, and he was a very fortunate man who came to know a wonderful poetess... who always had the gift.... now, she has the reason.... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Vicky...thank you for such a sweet reply...nice to have you back in poetry land. Sud, your replies are whats brilliant thank you so much.Eric...there you go spoiling me again and I love you for it LOL..THANK YOU JLR....thank you very very much for such a beautiful reply...the sincerety of your words is felt...and much appreciated. Deca....thank you very much sweet poetess...but it is I who is the lucky one... he was my beauty and light and his love forever changed me... and yes you are right....he gave me reason. TY for seeing his light in my words. thank you all SO much, it was a very special gift to get this one back after over a year of not having it with the rest of my work. love to poetry land... always jm |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I wasn't able to respond when you posted this... and I still lack words adequate to praise such magnificent work. This doesn't just tug at heartstrings, JM... it plays a beautiful symphony of love and understanding. I have lived in denial ... I have tasted my own shame ... I've failed you many times Lord ... for my sins I claim the blame. I've wandered in the shadows ... I've been owned by unending sorrow, A thousand times I've died ... only to awaken unmercifully in the morrow. And in your love and understanding, you wrote not for one, but for many. I'd applaud... but this demands respectful silence. *S* |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Amen, and amen. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Janet Marie, As I was reading this, I was thinking this is a mirror of any one of us, but then I got to thinking --But it was Janet Marie who put it on paper. Who else writes from the very depth of the soul, who else is this forthright and honest in her writing, that the reader gets caught up in the confessions, the doubts, the guilt, which is all so eloquently expressed. This is a very powerful piece, and it reaches to the heights of heaven, grasping the most important aspect of the human soul, and that is Devine Love, the unconditional love. What marvelous words to touch my very core. You are, as I have said many times, a poet who is true to self, unashamed to write whats in your heart, and this all comes from having truly lived. Whatever sorrow you have felt, carved deeper into the wealth of expression you have to offer. It is your very essence, who you are, that comes out in your poetry and has often been an inspiration to me and to many others. You are a wonderful poet and a beautiful soul and I love you lots Liz |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ruthie-girl...you always find the right words...and your replies are always so gracious and wonderful...poetic as you are thank you so very much sweet poetess....I hope things are getting back to good for you and your fellow Houston-ers... you all are still in our thoughts...its good to see your name here again. Interloper ... yes....Amen...and thank you poet sir Liz....dear wonderful Liz...what can I say to such an amazing, lovely reply... you take my breath and words away with your heart touching reply.... thank you seems too little to say....but please know I am very grateful for your compliments, acceptance and understanding. Coming from a poet who I admire so much is a humbling gift... Thank you Lady Grace, I grow in your light. thank you Poetry Land...you hold me up when I think I cant hold on. love ya all jm |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Simply amazing, Janet. Inspiration at it's best. Impressed as always, Krissie "And I wanted you to turn away. |
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Blaec Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 130The Sunshine State |
This is absolutely beautiful. You are such a talented writer. |
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