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Artificially Lost
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Artificially Lost |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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Artificially Lost Your hair blends in with cloud more noticeable against the blue the grass hazels the deep brown wells you call you and you tilt a look a half smile I notice for the first time how hard it is to find you so artificially lost in nature's surroundings I clear my sight and pass you by I wait for you to trip me perhaps prove me wrong but your silence proves me right I have nothing to give this time nothing really special nothing of value except for myself Angel of Darkness 15/05/01 [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 05-15-2001).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Aw.....there is something rare and VERY valuable...YOU. Don't sell yourself short Maree. Well done!  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is beautiful Maree...and I could SO relate to the title..hell...methinks I AM the title! left me sighing, my sista...this is lovely, but SO sad...a thousand hugs, lady.  |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Very sad Maree. I see some familiar images here. Age, tragic indifference, introversion, etc. Very powerful work this. Thanks, Billy "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Nice thoughtful poetry. Joyce |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Well Mmy...your gentle style disguises that inner strength coming out at the end...which I like - because it is said so gently it comes out sounding rather melancholy. As if the valuable thing you are offering - yourself - will not be enough. Some things confuse me here...the primary one being - who is this directed to? A partner? An older person? It raises questions like - how is someone artificially lost in nature? What exactly are you clearing your sight from? Maybe you could add a few things in here to make the thoughts in this piece just a little clearer for the reader - more accessible? You have some beautiful lines hons... 'the grass hazels the deep brown wells you call you' and 'I have nothing to give this time nothing really special nothing of value except for myself' which is so simple and pure. A couple of typos dear: 'fist' instead of first and natures surroundings needs to be nature's surroundings. Hugs Roo  Tigger KAll obscurity starts with a danger: Your dangers are many. I Cannot look much but your form suffers Some strange injury Sylvia Plath [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 05-15-2001).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Aww Sharon, I thank you hon I'm not selling myself short though. Quite the opposite. Lady Blue, hehe like that Sista? If I made you sigh, then I'm happy  A thousand hugs back Hon. I thank you Billy, "indifference" being the familiar word yes exactly. I'm glad you liked dear Joyce, I thank you Ahhh K "offering - yourself - will not be enough" ya hit the nail right on the head hon! "who is this directed to? A partner? An older person?" Well if it was either one, or neither, does it matter? I mean if I was to say it was a cousin or a school friend, would that make the poem more complete? It raises questions like -how is someone artificially lost in nature? Ok, here I am saying this person, who is surrounded by Nature (as the poem states in the beginning) is not natural, is fake, artificial. Even Nature can't hide it. What exactly are you clearing your sight from? I am clearing my sight from the obvious, this persons falseness. This persons artificiality (sp). Maybe you could add a few things in here to make the thoughts in this piece just a little clearer for the reader -more accessible? yes I probably could, but this ....As if the valuable thing you are offering - yourself - will not be enough. tells me the poem is quite understood. I appreciate your critique hon, thanks for taking the time. Oh and thanks for pointing out the typos, ooops ahem, will get to them right away. I hope my answers to your questions kinda make it clearer for you. if not just let me know and I will be glad to discuss it Thanks Hon. Again I thank you all for taking the time to stop by and read and for your lovely replies. Maree [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 05-15-2001).] |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Maree, This is an abundantly beautiful one... Wornderful work... Regards, Sudhir |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
I do love the theme and the display of it yuh. And give yourself that is a great awesome gift dont yuh know. |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Maree-- This is absolutely beautiful hon! Truly loved it...excellent imagery and choice of words. I read your message loud and clear. Take care Love ya Amy "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
this captured my mind, and it's view..very beautifully written DA ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Coal Surrender Member
since 2001-04-01
Posts 84U.S. |
I thoroughly enjoyed the vague substance to this piece, which in my mind enhances its allure. Coal [This message has been edited by Coal Surrender (edited 05-16-2001).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Kind of like peering through the morning fog... you think you know what you see, but you can never be sure...... very nice MM |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Better late than never, eh? "I wait for you to trip me perhaps prove me wrong but your silence proves me right" hummmm..... As for the poem - pretty fine effort Dark Angel, yes indeed. F |
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