Open Poetry #13 |
Don't stand by |
redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Please let me know if you can follow this story line (lyric)....... STAND BY V1 She was standing in the produce isle something caught her way off guard The woman who was screaming Had her 3 year old by the arm Left a mark across his face And in another time and place She would have walked right by But this day she’d had enough Stood her ground and she spoke up Said, Lady, pick on someone your own size CHORUS…. Cus I’ve seen thru his eyes and it’s not pretty I’ve heard all the lines I can recite word for word There’s no excuse for this and I for one Just me, will not stand by I can’t and won’t and will not stand by Watch another suffer while I Say it’s not my fault or business If it’s not mine, who’s is it? V2 Onions rolled across the floor She didn’t even know what hit her Husband saying something like I can’t believe you call this dinner” left a mark across her face and in another time and place she’d do anything not to cry the phone is ringing, mamma callin say’s there’s a line you should be drawin cus if you don’t I’m drawing mine (chorus) She's on the phone again past midnight listening to a frightened voice the one she used to hear inside to afraid to make a choice feels the mark across her face and in another time and place she would have told her ,try not to cry but she hangs on til 3am says honey, I know where you've been now it's time for you to decide Cus you’ve seen thru those eyes And it’s not pretty You’re heard all the lines, you can recite word for word You know there’s no excuse and now it’s up to you To not stand by You won’t and can’t and will not stand by Watch your daughter suffer and I Know it’s not your fault or mine But she can’t stand up…………. And you can’t stand by Baby don’t stand by ,don’t stand by (yes the rumors of my demise are false... lol) |
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© Copyright 2001 redwriter1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I can follow it perfectly, Red, and it strikes very hard...very well done.. (first line...aisle) |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
OPPS........ dang the spell checker police got me!!. (dahh) sorry Balladeer. |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Balladeer?......... Can you tell me who the ppl in the story are though? that's where others are telling me i didn't write it clear enough...... thanks darlin Kay-lynn and p.s. where did the "edit" button go? |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
this is good, very real, I would love to hear this sung, and justice served on a hot plate.... Kathleen Blake |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Hey Red, since 'Deer won't answer your question...about the people... I see in the first, a woman who grew up a victim of child abuse; next, a woman who lives with a man who abuses her; and third, a mother who for the sake of her children, says, "that's enough!" Ok, how far off am I? And I will be back! And we're glad YOU'RE back! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A nice song of substance...James |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
The woman is the same thru the whole song actually. She sees a kid being slapped and stands up for him... but can't stand up for herself until her mom calls.... "wake up call" if you will she ends up manning a hotline, talking to a women who's "daughter" is being smacked around.. and tells HER to stand up.. (like her mom did for her, and she did for the boy) Where did I lose ya? |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I followed this, sometimes we can stand up for others but not ourselves..... believe me, I know Kathleen Blake |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Kathleen, for some reason, I knew you would reply. Thanks. I still love your signature line |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Balladeer......... would you be so kind? (smile) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, Red!! Finally made it back...it was a long trip! I saw that it was the same person. The only thing different that I saw was that I felt that the second stanza was a flashback, a snapshot of her life which explained why she reacted to the child being abused in the first stanza and helping on the hotline in the third. Otherwise, I think I grasped your meaning fairly clearly....and I like it |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
And does it matter who the characters are as long as they are not being abused any more? Yes it could be a song. A sad one. Joyce |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Wow, Balladeer, ya know.. I see what you mean .......That is a totally logical assumption, one I never thought of. I think my 1s stanza "verse" must be misplaced. It seems to confuse the listener and I don't wanna do that. If i switched stanza 1 and 2.. would that make more sense? Cus I also thought the line "I've seen thru his eyes" came up too fast in the first verse without an explaination.... but truly....verse 1 and 2.. are just about 1 day in her life..... verse 3 is.... how it changed. Am i digging in to deep? I want the story to be real, not contrived. My whole point was at the end of this piece... you think she's talking to another abused woman on the phone.. but she's not.... she's talking to a woman who's "watching her daughter" be abused.. like she was. It's all about adults standing by and watching their children or anyone's children being abused. Even though the woman in the grocery store was abused herself..that's not the point, the point is..... she didn't have the lightbulb come on til she saw someone smaller and weaker than her being abused..... (and then her mother stood up for her..... and so on) Too deep??? lol |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
and p.s. Joyce.. yes it is a song. (smile). If you email me, I will send you a small audio file if you like. Thanks for commenting........ it means alot to me. |
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