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Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

0 posted 2001-05-02 08:21 PM

Night came so early,
boarded my
midnight train to
Moscow, left my new
number by the bedside table
of the room we shared,
didn't want to wake you in your
restful sleep
my eyes were tired
my shirt was stained with never
ending tears,
the conductor yelled
"tickets" in his native tongue
held out his hand, punched
the frail paper,
felt the hole in my heart
as he released and moved
down the cars,
why was I crying?
Couldn’t remember the last time I cried
or the why's,
for a long time it felt good
God
it felt right, it was right
"good together" he'd say
while releasing his passion
"I miss you when you are gone"
can hear the words echo,
ring out through my head
"I love you" he'd say
as he tickled my lips
with savory fingers
lightly brushing,
"which part of you do I claim now"?
"How bout this skin here
and here", moving further
down my body
"cant you stay" he'd ask
"I have to go"
why?
"I need to be in,"
well I just need to be away from here
the colors of him ran together
in my mind
as my eyes
tried to catch
the images passing by in slow motion
frame
4:00 am, the gentle
rain trickles the windows,
my heart aches
his words rain my heart
over and over

"S t a y"

***

Nothing Beautiful In This World
Is Ever Really Lost
All Things Beloved
Live on In Our Hearts...Forever."

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

1 posted 2001-05-02 08:24 PM

Lauren,

I can feel the ache, the longing, the heartfelt loss in these words. . .

This is one of your best. . .

------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

2 posted 2001-05-02 08:55 PM

Lauren.....you tug with this one. The ache....the longing....so beautiful.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2001-05-02 09:45 PM

What a great expression of feelings from two people so mixed and unsure yet longing for the same thing....I really enjoyed this. Well done!

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2001-05-02 10:01 PM

This poem came out just right with the conflicting emotions. Joyce

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-05-03 12:49 PM

"I miss you when you are gone"
can hear the words echo,
ring out through my head
"I love you" he'd say
as he tickled my lips
with savory fingers
lightly brushing,
"which part of you do I claim now"?
"How bout this skin here
and here", moving further
down my body
"cant you stay" he'd ask
"I have to go"
why?
"I need to be in,"
well I just need to be away from here
the colors of him ran together
in my mind
=================
Lauren, this is excellent,
a very different style for you..but you wear it like second skin...
the imagery and expressions in this are wonderfully conveyed...
and the phrases and comparisons added to its pleasures...
beautiful poetess emerald eyes

I miss you so much I cant stand it
Seems like my heart is breaking in two
My head says no, but my soul demands it
Everything I do reminds me of you

latin passion
Senior Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 576

6 posted 2001-05-03 01:11 AM

Once again, I'm in awe for words fail me -so beautfully stated "STAY." Look forward to reading more. LP

He is my pen, I am but the paper he
writes on.
~~3LW~~SM

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2001-05-03 01:50 AM

GreenEyes~
What an intensely emotive write.
Most unique and greatly enjoyed.
*Sighs* here ...
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

8 posted 2001-05-03 02:21 AM

Yanno...I felt like I was sitting watching a movie, and not wanting it to end! This was so well done and I felt every emotion you tried to convey, Bravo!

Please visit me at my new homepage:
http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents/cfm/451673

Coal Surrender
Member

since 2001-04-01

Posts 84
U.S.

9 posted 2001-05-03 07:21 AM

Your gift unfolded like soft linen, right before our eyes. Lovely work.

Coal

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

10 posted 2001-05-03 07:24 AM

Enjoyed reading this poem...James

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

11 posted 2001-05-03 07:55 AM

I agree, this is one of your best, I could feel the ache

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

12 posted 2001-05-03 11:19 PM

Thank you to all that responded to this....I am humbled by each, and please forgive me for not responding to you "one on one"...peace and hugs to you all....

Lauren~

***

Nothing Beautiful In This World
Is Ever Really Lost
All Things Beloved
Live on In Our Hearts...Forever."

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