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kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2001-03-27 03:52 AM

we are all here
on borrowed time,
hanging by a thread
which so threatens to snap

a candle only has a night
to spread its warmth

we are lucky~
we have decades before us

i remind myself
never to get caught up
in petty pursuits

never to lose sight of whats important--
companionship, self-assurance
and the fact that i can
run and breath and think

if i KNOW thats the ONLY way to live,

why then do i get so disgusted,
frustratingly annoyed
with those nerds
who do nothing else
but bury their pathetic selves
in thick intimdating texts?

why indeed?

[This message has been edited by faterider (edited 03-27-2001).]

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

1 posted 2001-03-27 09:36 AM

I like this poem, it really says alot. My only critique is that I would substitute the word "nerd" for (intellectual) or like word, as I feel nerd is a word that is overused, and doesn't really explain what part of this person you are refering to. Just my thought take it our leave it, good poem anyway.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-03-27 12:25 PM

Why, indeed? Because you are human, with human frailities, and because

it is sheer frustration!

That's why...

good write!

tradewind
Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 101

3 posted 2001-03-27 12:30 PM

a good write
and a great question

being human is a gift
and a curse

Katherine Chandler
Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 280
Florida, USA

4 posted 2001-03-27 12:34 PM

I asked myself the same question at times, why get involved in something I have no control over, and yet..I do. Very good writing, thought provoking for me.

Kate

Blessings

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
T S Eliot

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

5 posted 2001-03-27 12:54 PM

because you believe that everyone should live their lives to the fullest. . .

excellent kaile. . .

----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Panne415
Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 104
San Antonio

6 posted 2001-03-27 01:56 PM

Hi KaiLe,
Cool - think we've all been there at some point or many points in our lives.  I also agree with Songbird - nix the nerds and use a more lasting word there. I think it would have more impact and power if you used fewer words without changing the meaning - for instance -

we are here('all' is implied by the universality of the theme)
on borrowed time,
hanging by a thread
which threatens to snap ('so' is useless- does not really add emphasis on how threatening)

and
why then do i get so disgusted,
and annoyed with those
self-proclaimed intellectuals
who do nothing
but bury their pathetic selves
in thick intimidating texts?

See what I mean - fewer of the unnecessary words gives a bigger punch word for word.  I hope that helps you, Kai. Good to see you posting again. Nice story and theme. Panne

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

7 posted 2001-03-27 02:05 PM

I feel your what you're saying in this...brilliant work!

Nathan

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

8 posted 2001-03-27 03:11 PM

quote:
never to lose sight of whats important--
companionship, self-assurance
and the fact that i can
run and breath and think

GREAT lines! thanks for the read

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

9 posted 2001-03-28 03:45 AM

ohh, thank you everyone for reading...now reading this, i think you are all right.."nerd" reads too judgemental. i should replace this with a "neutral word"...

and i agree, panne, this will read better when unnecessary words are deleted away..i am in the midst of preparing for my exams now but i will come back to this, i promise...

thanks for the support..its real nice to know that i am not alone in feeling such..some times i get so mad at them as their topics of conversation always revolve around homework, tutorials and grades and whatever not....and sometimes i will get so mad at myself for wanting to control over other people's lives....

trying to come to terms with such feelings...wish me luck??

thanks again..much appreciated...

Watersign6
Senior Member

since 2001-05-25

Posts 823
Hurricane,WV

10 posted 2001-06-06 08:25 AM

well written

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