expression of depression: and i am looking for someone, edible

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Dark Poetry #3

expression of depression: and i am looking for someone, edible

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

0 posted 2001-07-19 06:18 PM

How we walk.
How we bare, all or little, or in between
it all matters somehow, to me:
how we make our little
"marks on the world"
in a song, in a poem
in names carved onto those old trees.
timeless and classical, redemption; stenched:
for all those times we sinned and allowed ourselves
to sin.

so many frightening slips of the tongue
they all add up at that big golden (or is it pearly?) gate I've heard of
thats waiting for me
I hope.

My tongue draws back, smarter this time
it quipped and quitted before it went rosy
lamenting in its own manic, mad way
an asylum of taste and aquatic skin
expression of the definite depression
within.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-07-19 07:45 PM

Excellent writing...and I love the title. That is one guaranteed to draw a reader in...

You have great flow, and imagery. Your last verse:

My tongue draws back, smarter this time
it quipped and quitted before it went rosy
lamenting in its own manic, mad way
an asylum of taste and aquatic skin
expression of the definite depression
within.

I found particularly good.

Thanks for the post!

I am a refugee of logic...insisting
on unlikely land with every step.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-07-20 11:11 AM

I really enjoyed your last verse too. It seemed to draw the main amount of imagery from the piece.
The 4 opening lines of the piece had me gone...hook, line and sinker.

Thanks for this read.

~AF~

Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me...

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

3 posted 2001-07-20 11:57 AM

this is really a great poem. i think i will have to read more of your work real soon. i like the style its different and i like different. keep it up.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

4 posted 2001-07-23 04:53 PM

thanks for all the kind comments :} i used to post here a long while ago but i had computer problems and i hadn't had a chance to post but now hopefully I'll be able to post more.

Hellseyes
Member

since 2001-07-25

Posts 120
Kansas, USA

5 posted 2001-07-29 12:54 PM

this is da shkit..../Drew/

Jessica