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Maddy vanD
Member

since 2003-09-06

Posts 99
Newfoundland, Canada

0 posted 2003-09-08 11:50 PM

AFTER LIFE

Life lasts longer than you thought it would
And love not as long as you hoped
And so we are here with those we hold dear
Wondering how we all coped

Life is just endless moments
Each one means more than the rest
Then in the blink of an eye suddenly we die
And wonder which one was the best

So pack up your bags for the grand tour
See yourself in everyone else
But just before we go there's one thing I need to know
Are those funeral or wedding bells

We're dancing with the angels all our lives
From the time we take our first breath
And when you reach the final goal its just a cold hole
We're just practicing for our own death

When I was a child I finally figured out
That life was a lot like the sun
You fight to make your way, but at the end of the day
It seems the night has just begun

Life lasts longer than you thought it would
And love not as long as you hoped
And so we are here with those we hold dear
Wondering how we all coped

Maddy
Poetry is not pretty....poetry is real

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-09-09 01:42 AM

Youve only been registered for about 2 days and I think this is a good sight for you. Your poetry is good, but it seems to tied up in itself. Like you want to say something but your trapped to ... the ryhme scheme. Heres a lil bit of advice. Just let your words flow out of your head and on to the paper and dont worry about the "rules" of poetry. With a bit of pratice youll be writting some awesome poetry. Again this piece is good just relax a lil.

GIS

and actually I havent been using this site that long. so Im not any kind of "authority,"
I just saw where you could use a lil work.

ShannonMarie
Member

since 2003-09-09

Posts 55
in a state of being

2 posted 2003-09-10 10:36 PM

so far everything I read of yours I like... good write.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

3 posted 2003-09-10 11:22 PM

pretty good write, but it seems a little forced, i agree with greeny, dont force it forget the rules, espically wiht beginning poetry, just let it flow

"There never was a genius without a tincture of madness."

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