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Dark Poetry #3
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shiny armor
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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shiny armor |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
You woke me. two in the morning you called to see if the shiny armor lasting - till morn or will it be three you bring meanings so oblivious now I caught a glimpse your wondering how ominous torture teetering known as 101 but your not sure I please you but – you still look for those butterflies with no angles known, direction owed and delirium paid for you make me laugh for I’m not your might your haunting so colored with grim will not last you see, for you are the past. If nothing is something |
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| © Copyright 2003 mysticpoe - All Rights Reserved | |||
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click1 Member
since 2003-03-25
Posts 152usa |
Deep!! I have made that call...under the influence...owch! good one... thanx!! Click |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
poe, have my own thoughts on this write, (which I am keeping to this demented mind of mine, until you elaborate for me) but sounds like you pretty much have the upper hand xxoo |
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somethinginyoursocks Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 28IN, the U.S. of A. |
Yes, a very interesting write. My only criticism is that the lack of grammar wasn't to your benefit. I'd input a few commas and periods so as not to confuse the reader what you're actually trying to say. BTW, the 'shiny armor' wasn't developed too well. Try to make it an extended metaphor, or make its meaning more obvious. -I don't need a signature- |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Click, thanks again. I know what you mean. littlewing, past fears? Thanks again. something, I really appreciate your advice. The only problem is. I was a science major. Grammer has never been my forte. If you have the time? copy and paste the poem onto my e-mail address waynedenio@aol.com along w/your changes. I would really appreciate some help with the correct set-up. Thanks. Thanks all of you for taking the time to read and comment! mysticpoe If nothing is something |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
great write poe personally, i think you don't need to 'develop' the shiny armor aspect any more. you implanted it into the readers head once, then it is up to the readers to decide what it means to them. great poetry does not explain things, but instead infers a hundred different meanings. so in short, great write, leave it like it is. "There never was a genius without a tincture of madness." |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
ahh gotcha and yes Matt is right what we perceive is for us to see what you write is for you |
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