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blackhalo
Member

since 2000-02-15

Posts 467
Denver, CO

0 posted 2003-08-24 01:41 AM

You should've never told me.
Now everywhere I look
I see your face.
Your stupid face!
It was over.
Me and you,
WE were over.
You had her
And that was okay.
I missed you,
But it was over.
100% over.
We were friends.
That was enough for me.
You should've never told me.
I keep seeing your face.
Even in all it's imperfections.
Because to me,
Even those were perfect.
Deep-set, brown eyes,
Boy cut dusky brown hair,
And small, thin lips
Covering a broad, warm smile.
God, what that smile could do
For me...
And then
You would speak my name,
The smile smothering serpentine syllables
In your deep friendly voice.
Oh, how that voice echos
Through the very essence
Of my being!
Oh why,
WHY did you have to tell me?!?
And now it's her name.

Crystal clear in its
Humming sound,
Riddled with the
Insecurity you
Slowly gave
To me.
I never guessed,
Not once,
At the possibility

Of a future between us,
Between you and me.
But you said it.
You said you missed me.
Save that she,
SHE was everything
You ever dreamed of.
And so you couldn't,
And if you hadn't,
I wouldn't think it.
It would be ok.
I would be ok.

[This message has been edited by blackhalo (08-24-2003 01:47 AM).]

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-08-24 02:56 AM

I liked the poem and the content seems pretty unfair. And you get props for the "secret" name hinted out.

GIS

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

2 posted 2003-08-24 10:21 AM

ahh halo . . . Iknow, seems a lil' better
when there is no names attached.
This is brilliant:

Crystal clear in its
Humming sound,
Riddled with the
Insecurity you
Slowly gave
To me.
I never guessed,
Not once,
At the possibility
xxoo

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

3 posted 2003-08-24 11:26 PM

"Crystal clear in its
Humming sound,
Riddled with the
Insecurity you
Slowly gave
To me.
I never guessed,
Not once,
At the possibility""

Didn't mean to post same as littlewing but this stanza was absoutly fantastic, great write, adding this

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

blackhalo
Member

since 2000-02-15

Posts 467
Denver, CO

4 posted 2003-08-25 01:24 AM

GIS,
yeah, secret, wasn't it? That's why it's all bold and set as a different stanza.

He'd kill me if he knew I wrote that. The content seems unfair?? Toward who?

  Confused...

littlewing,
Thanks for replying.  Yeah, when there are no names, it's better, but I had always known.  I guess I brought it upon myself.  Who'da thunk it?

Matt,
I don't mind a bit.  I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.  I'm glad you enjoyed it, and am honored in you adding it.  Thanks again!

[This message has been edited by blackhalo (08-25-2003 03:48 PM).]

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

5 posted 2003-09-04 10:05 AM

I really like this one too. And that was ingenius with the name thing. I'm sorry for you.

I don't know what I did wrong but the fae are after me now. Faeries can be so irritable.

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