Dark Poetry #3 |
please don't take this off and say its too offensive or something like that |
Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
Sometimes I just want to fly face first over the handlebars And taste the ground beneath my teeth For to know pain, is to know life So it’s the pavement I must eat I love the way it lights my skin like fire does the rain like gasoline feeds machines who scream out for the same For they are metal, wires and such and can never truly taste this pain They can hurt twice as bad and never feel so to them its all same So that is why I love this pain to know that I’m alive I revel in and revel out just to keep the tide, From sinking too far back and leaving me at bay It slips and falls and never stops until the moon takes back the day Crude, maybe, ignorant, I think not For what is blood without the love as I twist my stomach back to Knot I love this feeling, I love it like I love the light, of knowing not what there is ahead So I fly face first over the handlebars just to know that I’m not dead *again i don't actually do this but at a point in everyone's life i think each person can relate to this to some degree so please don't send me stuff about suicide prevention or whatever because I'm fine really i just liked the way this sounded* [This message has been edited by Gavin (07-25-2003 04:58 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2003 Gavin - All Rights Reserved | |||
Peeps-Peter Junior Member
since 2003-07-19
Posts 14 |
I like the way it sounds as well. You did an amazing job with this. You have a style all you own. I have never thought to kill myself, but I could still appreciate this piece...something about the way you said it...I loved the second stanza.. Keep posting Peter [This message has been edited by Peeps-Peter (07-25-2003 05:30 PM).] |
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Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
thanks peter but this wasn't about suicide, and i hate to give my opinion about my own work to people but since this is so touchy i just want to say that this is about life, a pro life poem, and pain is apart of life, whether you appreciate it or not and i was just trying to portray a different view of pain that might, for moment, look at life a lttlie differently |
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Lexia Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 111Nowhere |
This...hmm, how to phrase this...You really have captured the feeling that life is full of pain and we must accept that and to not know pain is to not be alive. At least that's what I'm getting out of it. Others may and probably will feel differently. Lex |
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Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
well thanks for your input lex |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
hm..I must say I can relate to this very much. how do you know your alive unless you bleed. I'm at that point in my life, where I want to be left to decide even if it means hurting, I want to know what I'm capable of. I really enjoyed this. ~Lexy [This message has been edited by Lexy (07-25-2003 10:38 PM).] |
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Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
wow thanks a lot (confused look) other lex or should i say lexy anyways i'm glad you liked it and could relate thanks for the thoughts |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
nice poem it is a lil bit violent but it isnt filled with death and other "questionable" things so i dont see a reason for it to have to go and youre right whats wrong with a lil pain every now and then -catchy title lol GIS |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
True that. I know exactly the feeling. Great piece. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
nice write, ubt this poem was not about suicide, just wanting to feel alive... "sometimes i cut myself to bleed, it's like pain is such a sudden rush for me..." we all feel like this at some point or another, it is like we don't want to die, but we want to know we are alive... nice write "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
thanks you guys |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
============================================ So that is why I love this pain to know that I’m alive I revel in and revel out just to keep the tide, From sinking too far back and leaving me at bay It slips and falls and never stops until the moon takes back the day ============================================ Poetry is my way to excorise (sp?) demons sometimes, and I ain't all peaches and cream, so I feel ya. And, yeah, I like the way it sounds, too. smooth people stray by slinking onward |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Yep...pain will knock on all of our doors...James |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Hey Chris, nice poem, again. keep writing. mysticpoe If nothing is something |
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Dark Kisses Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364Flat lands of Kansas |
I REALLY liked this one. Excellent use of words and phrases!! A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Gavin - I see this as a "pro-life" poem as well. I see no reason to consider as suicidal... JMHO... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Something about walking the fine line comes to mind...I can see why you might have thought it would be pushing the envelope, but instead, it spells out c-h-o-i-c-e very well. |
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