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somethinginyoursocks
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 28
IN, the U.S. of A.

0 posted 2003-07-21 11:25 PM

I am solo in this world of duets
    with fear, anquish, and pity for an act.
Empty bottles of sorrow litter my room;
    used and unused lines have mixed with reefer ash.
Narcissism never looked so grand...

Again, I find myself alone in this leaking ship,
    will the water end me?
    or will the Sirens guide to safety?
Silence holds no answers where fallen heroes lie.
    The boat begins to sway
    with each turbulent wave
and the Great Conductor directs this symphony.
Independance was fought for...

A fight for freedom, a fight for You,
    The sound of unity drifts away as thunder
    while the narrow path is placed in 'Lost and Found'.
Souls are lost because of chaos that brings life
    and humanity's supposed urge to destroy it.
The seeking of demons and the will of no such God
    brings the soul to madness,
    encourages the faith of the faithless,
        and destroys the last mustard seed.
Unity, not uniformity...

-I don't need a signature-

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

1 posted 2003-07-21 11:32 PM

1st time I read you and this is really-really good. I'm going back to read it again.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

2 posted 2003-07-22 12:49 PM

The unity, not uniformity at the end leads me to think there is something to add; I get a sense that we're on the ship of the doomed here, jostled about by apparent realities...I say this realizing that my reality is in a state of flux...and most of us go through the motions of life without ever knowing why...

Magia_negra
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 77
CA, USA

3 posted 2003-07-22 12:57 PM

I like your writing,
feel intensity in it

...somos los locos para siempre
para siempre te amo
mi vida...

somethinginyoursocks
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 28
IN, the U.S. of A.

4 posted 2003-07-22 01:11 AM

Yeah, Ecrivan, I kinda felt that way, too. I'm not sure what else to add to it, yet. Do you have any ideas?

-I don't need a signature-

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

5 posted 2003-07-22 03:53 AM

Heres a great piece that doesn't end, or does it need too? No, question is what is needed. Question everything even the ending, maybe its not supposed to stop. The whole idea does the creator justice.

NJS

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

6 posted 2003-07-22 11:44 AM

I know what I would have done but you are you
so you might like to keep it as is, continue on this poem keeping to the mood and theme you have or cut off the unity part and add later when you're ready. It's always good to remember what you had in mind to write to get back into that mindset, don't worry about the words, they'll come

..now I haven't said what you already don't know, have I?

[This message has been edited by ecrivan (07-22-2003 11:46 AM).]

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