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wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2003-07-09 12:38 PM

Morning brings the gift of Gold
When Eos drapes the still-cold land
In the yellow glow of a brand new day

Everything about, is shimmered Silver
In the blanketing heat of the noon-day sun
The time of waver, and mirage

The promise of Platinum colors the night
Moon shine and star shine reflecting back
From all but the hollowest of places

And Copper is the real color of Midnight
When the only thing that one can see
Are the coins that cover the eyes

[This message has been edited by wranx (07-09-2003 03:52 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-07-09 01:20 AM

This IS what DARK is about.

You write the inner turmoil--and don't indulge with the slasher scenes.

Perhaps it is the wisdom that comes with age, but maybe just experience--to know that truly DARK is to live with the ghosts.

The rest of critique, you know already.

Artfully written.

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

2 posted 2003-07-09 08:59 AM

A promise of platinum colors the night. Most metaphors push the comprehensive envelope. You have managed to turn them inside - out. Nice write.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 13

3 posted 2003-07-09 11:47 AM

wow that was very very good, the imagry was beautiful, it reminds me of some place remote, far off in the woods. Maybe a place in yourself? everyone could see this a different way. very good though on a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a 9.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

4 posted 2003-07-09 03:47 PM

absoutly beautily dark...i loved this...the imagery was out of this world...i felt as if i was in space looking down at our little existance...

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

5 posted 2003-07-12 12:00 PM

mmm
seems like old times

miss those old voices....
here
like
this one
gold silver platinum copper
morning noon night
nimidght

and
you need to bring a chair out of the closet
if YOU arre going to sit at THAT table
my friend
bravo

S Arthur Grey
Senior Member

since 2001-03-19

Posts 719
woven by a poet's loom

6 posted 2003-07-12 12:35 PM

Very interesting, Sir.
"From all but the hollowest of places"
Like my cave, maybe?
I'll keep an eye out for that copper . . .

s.a.g.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

7 posted 2003-07-12 06:48 PM

YES!

Fantastic Ed jus fantastic.

Keeping it.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

8 posted 2003-07-13 10:45 PM

Ed:

to see the unseen indeed
Yes . . . a breath of fresh air
I have got to learn how to do this!
xxoo

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

9 posted 2003-07-25 03:40 AM

I do believe those coins were aposta be in yr back pocket luv. **Just breathin in the essence of this one wranxy. I am so jealous of yr view!! *winks*

and some smooches....

~the long lost D

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Annie
Junior Member

since 2003-07-23

Posts 42
Seattle, WA

10 posted 2003-07-28 10:53 PM

I am in awe, I just kept reading the last 3 lines over and over again . . . . It kind of did something to my brain. I stop typing and just stare off and on. You are so dark, yet so vivid. lovely, lovely.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

11 posted 2003-07-29 12:01 PM

Wow.
That was freaking cool.

Its like your describing someone locked in a self-induced prison.

GIS

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

12 posted 2003-07-30 01:58 AM

just adding to library

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

13 posted 2003-07-30 02:07 AM

Thanks, all for reading this one...And for re-reading the old writes.

And to my new friends for the kindnesses.
~wranx
Ed

[This message has been edited by wranx (07-30-2003 02:09 AM).]

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

14 posted 2003-07-30 06:08 PM

Everything about, is shimmered Silver
In the blanketing heat of the noon-day sun
The time of waver, and mirage

making me shiver. damn this is gooooood.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

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