All I ever needed from you...

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Dedreia
Member

since 2000-07-10

Posts 172
Kokomo, Indiana, United States

0 posted 2003-07-03 04:19 AM

I feel like I'm floating on a cloud today.
Not drowning in a sea like yesterday.
Your love has saved me from my past.
And I know it will surely last.

Every thought that crosses my mind
is filled with your words so kind.
And if tomorrow you should leave
take this heart it's yours I believe.

I'll wait until the day has come
the music in my heart I'll hum
As my knees grow weak and I sway
catch me is all I can say.

Love me deeply love me true.
And I promise I'll never be blue.
For all I ever needed from you
Is your love...........

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" Rod McKuen

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-07-03 10:35 PM

Great write

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

2 posted 2003-07-04 01:42 PM

Nice write but it sounds a bit choppy. Try to make it flow a little smoother. Its good though

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2003-07-04 06:15 PM

Yes and all the good things that go with it...like appreciation and sincerity...james

Dark Kisses
Member

since 2001-06-24

Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas

4 posted 2003-07-06 11:28 AM

"And if tomorrow you should leave
take this heart it's yours I believe"

Beautiful, just beautiful

A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness.

EagleOne
Member Elite

since 2000-03-07

Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...

5 posted 2003-07-07 06:25 AM

Nicely done, it just quietly draws you in!

And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand ~ Bernie Taupin

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-08 12:28 PM

absolutely marvolous. cherreo.

xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 13

7 posted 2003-07-08 08:06 PM

I like the poem you wrote. I think it was good, and don't take this personally, but I'm not sure quite what it is doing in the dark poetry, it seems very happy, which is a good thing. Although I am new to this forum so I'm probably wrong.

I do agree the poem is a little choppy other than that it seems good. This is just a thought, but I think this poem would sound good like a letter. Like giving it a Dear whoever at the beginning and then a real metaphorical signature and just changing it to look a little more like a letter to your lover. I think that would make it very romantic ;-). On a scale of 1-10 I would give this poem a 7.5. Very good. Thank you and keep writing

Dark Kisses
Member

since 2001-06-24

Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas

8 posted 2003-07-08 11:31 PM

Well, I am glad you posted it here, in the Darker side of Passions. Because if you didn't, I would have never read it. This is home, no matter what.

Thanks again for the great read!!

A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness.

Dedreia
Member

since 2000-07-10

Posts 172
Kokomo, Indiana, United States

9 posted 2003-07-10 07:29 PM

Dark Kisses to me this is home too...I used to post here quite frequently and when I decided to post this it just felt like it belonged here. Thanks =)

Thanks everyone else for the kind words and the critiques. I'm always open to them.

Dee

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" Rod McKuen

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