Once a Gift - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #3

Once a Gift

Forgotenandgone
Member

since 2003-05-07

Posts 52
NC

0 posted 2003-06-19 10:38 AM

One little corner that is mine
I crawl to almost everyday
Well that is if I get a break to
Unusually I just cry and beg at his all mighty feet
For he was and is my future and past
Merely a toy in his eyes
But yet a gift in so many others eyes
I used to think that but beaten down I was put in my place...

_______________________________________
Please dont cry when i die
For i will be whatching in heaven
and i dont want it to rain on my funeral...

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

1 posted 2003-06-19 08:53 PM

interesting poem, but the rhythm seems a little off.. not quite sure why.
anyway, l like...
laurie.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-06-19 10:26 PM

the rythmn may be a tad off but it still is very well done

poet25
Junior Member

since 2003-06-17

Posts 18
PE, Canada

3 posted 2003-06-20 11:58 AM

It was a nice poem, short yet strong, though it may have had a lack in its flow, it still came across nicely

Ladybug
Member

since 2003-06-17

Posts 236
Massachusetts

4 posted 2003-06-20 01:55 PM

Wow, I really like this poem, especially the last line about being beaten down and put in your place...this is excellent. The word "Unusually" seems a bit awkward to me, however, just my opinion. I really enjoyed this poem

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.