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a_hollowman
Junior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 30
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

0 posted 2003-05-30 03:34 PM

Fallen heroes are now calling
Everywhere I turn, a wall
Against it, I am pinned, screaming
Resigned and lost, I begin to fall

I tumble into darkness' wake
Simple ripples; a distant quake

A shadow haunts me; my end is near

Placed in a cage, a desert of endless sands
Rising through the growing hatred
I lay now, trembling, on a concrete floor
Snowy blackness envelops my hands
Of the once white light that is now faded
Now even my hope has closed its door

- a hollow man

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

1 posted 2003-05-30 09:08 PM

nice rhymes and descriptions! i can totally relate. i look forward to reading more of your work!

there are 2 ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. -unknown

sadpoet
Junior Member

since 2003-05-29

Posts 10
Tx, USA

2 posted 2003-05-31 01:20 PM

I love it.Good work.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2003-05-31 03:20 PM

Stephen~
Welcome to Passions~

This is an extremely well-written piece.
Evoking poignant memories~
Well done !
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2003-06-02 11:39 AM

Welcome to Passions in Poetry! It's nice to see that you've decided to join us here.

I have to say I'm quite impressed with the style you portray in this piece. Your imagery is surreal but vivid, you write well of the emotional response to the metaphorical physical environment... particularly these two lines:

quote:
I lay now, trembling, on a concrete floor
Snowy blackness envelops my hands

I very much like that part... the image and the emotion are in perfect synchronicity, I wouldn't change a thing about it. Quite the talent you have there, Stephen.

Oh, and check your email for a special greeting.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

MellonCollie
Member

since 2003-04-11

Posts 117
Austria,Europe

5 posted 2003-06-03 02:06 PM

love it from the first to the last line

how will i laugh tomorrow
when i can't even smile today

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

6 posted 2003-06-04 05:06 PM

this is... startlingly good. you've got talent, hollow man.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2003-06-07 07:06 AM

Nice writing...James

dreadfulhate22
New Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 3

8 posted 2003-06-07 10:48 AM

Super.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

9 posted 2003-06-08 03:24 PM

great piece, invoking memories past...

Dark Kisses
Member

since 2001-06-24

Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas

10 posted 2003-06-09 12:15 PM

"Placed in a cage, a desert of endless sands
Rising through the growing hatred
I lay now, trembling, on a concrete floor
Snowy blackness envelops my hands
Of the once white light that is now faded
Now even my hope has closed its door"

Great write!!!!

A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness.

Chris-
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 52

11 posted 2003-06-09 12:43 PM

very good, i love the use of rhyme and un rhyme, sorry i'm not an english scholar, but in my opinion you wanted something raw with and eleogant twist by making it rhyme a few times, and that brought the misery upon me ten fold, very nice and well done

minusme
New Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 3
England

12 posted 2003-06-09 04:28 PM

that definately one 2 b proud of, i like it. especially the last line=) keep it up! minusme xx

gyiel marlok
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 145
OHIO

13 posted 2003-06-09 08:39 PM

i like this dude

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

14 posted 2003-06-10 10:48 AM

This is a really good poem. The imagery was awesome. I loved the whole thing.
::Jen::

If you listen hard enough silence can mean more than words.

JenniX
Junior Member

since 2003-06-05

Posts 29

15 posted 2003-06-11 10:52 AM

Excellent work I can totally relate to your feelings, great work
JenniX

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

16 posted 2003-06-11 10:24 PM

hmmm.. so is that why they call you hollowman? haha just kidding. hey man totally frikkin a

o. forrest cain
Junior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 17
West Virginia

17 posted 2003-06-13 11:34 PM

Impressive first verse and strong finish.
A well crafted poem and well worth the read.

forrest

a_hollowman
Junior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 30
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

18 posted 2003-06-15 11:54 PM

Hey Everyone!
Thank You for your well-devised replies!

A lot of work went into this poem, particularly in that the words FEAR IS A PRISON make up the first letters of EACH line, but you ALL know that don't you, hehe!

Pardon my crude humour. Nevertheless, you guys acknowledged it as a good piece, so thank you all!

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