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MellonCollie
Member

since 2003-04-11

Posts 117
Austria,Europe

0 posted 2003-05-19 01:49 PM

living somewhere between
shattered hopes and broken dreams
always waking up to my own screams

living in a never-ending night
never experienced any fun
tired of being the only one

living in my little shell
afraid of the outside
loneliness seems to be my bride

a broken life is hard to bear
suicide seems to be the easy way out
but for this
i am too proud

how will i laugh tomorrow
when i can't even smile today

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

1 posted 2003-05-20 01:39 AM

I can relate to this poem, with every line and each word.

Great work.

Ronil

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

2 posted 2003-05-22 01:04 AM

sounds to me like you might be having a little hope...some positives threads here... that's good!

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

3 posted 2003-05-30 09:19 PM

i really enjoyed this. i can totally realate. great rhymes!

there are 2 ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. -unknown

qtpieelmo
Senior Member

since 2000-07-04

Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY

4 posted 2003-05-30 10:27 PM

I love this--I can relate--The use of words is perfect!!

ELMO

"No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!"

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

5 posted 2003-06-02 01:51 AM

nice. whatever you're going through, you'll get through it,,, even if it is hard right now.. just keep writing, you've got talent; lm lookin forward to readin more of yours, l'm addin u to my library...
laurie.
ps thanx for the read

if life isn't what you want, view it throguh insanity's sheild, and you'll always have what you want...

l made that up:)

a_hollowman
Junior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 30
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

6 posted 2003-06-02 10:28 AM

this one is nice, i enjoyed it. good rhyme scheme and well driven theme.

Sick one with Smile
New Member

since 2003-06-02

Posts 1

7 posted 2003-06-02 08:37 PM

i liked it,i liked your use of words as well

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

8 posted 2003-06-02 09:29 PM

Wow. I'm impressed that you could work so well with a foreign language. I've often thought of doing so, but decided that I would never be able to master word play in another language well enough to satisfy myself, or come even close to what native-speakers could accomplish. You've done so, however, and for that, I give you my acclaim.

As for this particular piece, I'm fond of the first stanza, but the rest doesn't strike as deep a chord. I don't think it's the phrasing, either. It's more due to the fact that I've heard those things before, so they've lost their impact.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

MellonCollie
Member

since 2003-04-11

Posts 117
Austria,Europe

9 posted 2003-06-03 01:58 PM

thanx y'all...

how will i laugh tomorrow
when i can't even smile today

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