»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #3
»
Glass Walls
| Dark Poetry #3 |
|
Glass Walls |
|
|
teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
Hello lonely world Would you miss me I'm feelin kind of alone Just how can this be Cause I know That I ain't alone But sometimes it's hard To remember that there's others all around me are you there, can you hear me Screaming through these...glass walls I can see you Can you see me do you care...that I'm trapped behind these glass walls but I know that you don't...understand this feeling...that I have cause you've always had your way and that's why you've locked me behind these glass walls I can see the world...living but here I am...dying and do you care do you try to understand that despite it all Istill don't want to be Near you Hello lonely world Would you miss me I'm feelin kind of alone Just how can this be Cause I know That I ain't alone But sometimes it's hard To remember that there's others all around are you there, can you hear me Screaming through these...glass walls Do you see me behind these impenetrable Glass walls They're killin me These glass walls Hello lonely world... Would you miss me? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~By the way if you have any helpful hints I could use them, because it's a song but it has some parts that just don't sound right. I don't know if today is a good day, or if yesterday was, or if tomorrow will be, but I'd like to think so. [This message has been edited by teenpoet (05-14-2003 02:34 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Alicia Adams - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I enjoyed the read. The one thing that sticks out for me is the ain't. I think it takes from the piece. This is the one thing that really sticks in my head from the first read through. If you would like me to look closer at it, I will print and take some time to go through it. Let me know. Marilyn. |
||
|
xmutexelationx Junior Member
since 2003-05-16
Posts 15AmongstTheCharredFieldsOfSnow |
Yeah... I'm with Marilyn. Improper English gets to me. But I'm not claiming to be perfect, I'm sure I use incorrect English at times. Other than that though, the poem is brilliant. You expressed your feelings wonderfully. The feeling of being behind glass walls is quite common here. Great write  -Sara "Actions speak louder than words will ever. So I will show you my sincerity in the shape of my still beating heart" |
||
|
teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
Yeah that idea is definitely there. Do you think I over emphasized it? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
