Concerning the Saviour of a Distant Future Human World

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #3

Concerning the Saviour of a Distant Future Human World

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2002-11-09 02:43 AM

Bit of background info:

This poem is about a military figure in a story I'm working on. This person is very much obsessed with avenging past attrocities committed on his family. He is also very ruthless in his methods, unafraid of any "colateral damage" involved in getting results.

I am the cleansing fire,
sent to purge the world
of those in power who aspire
to bend us toward their will.

I'm here not to rescue or save
our decaying cruel world
but to condemn all people and pave
the way for a new humankind.

With every scream and moan
I wreak my vengance on the world
that cast me off alone
and destroyed all I loved.

I felt the hooks of hate
that pierced my jaws and dragged
my life toward the fate
that's mine to carry out.

So when this war is done
a few may see me fall
to my knees to be the one
who sees the truth in all
this newly created world
of burning black and red,

that I may say
of my creation
it is finished.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

[This message has been edited by fractal007 (11-09-2002 02:50 AM).]

~K
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 104

1 posted 2002-11-11 02:54 PM

I like it! Are you going to include it in your book? I think you should. The book sounds very interedting!!

Chameleon
Member

since 2002-08-07

Posts 99
Australia

2 posted 2002-11-14 03:05 AM

well fractal, your still learning to write poetry?
don't bother learning, go with your instincts.

Your character you've created is the poetry.
Your techniques allow that flow, creating the nemesis and genesis of your character.
I think its good.

remembmer technique isn't everything, i think its the delivery which you've presented here. Iam abit of a deconstructionalist so any poet in the traditional sense would hate me.

Kudos.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2002-11-15 02:04 AM

Thanks for the comments. U never know about what poets might think of your deconstructionist beliefs. A lot of poetry is about taking traditional beliefs and texts apart and forcing them to mean something else, or even forcing people to look at the absurdity of their logical conclusions. That's what Atwood, for example, did in her "The Handmaid's Tale."

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.