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D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

0 posted 2002-10-20 01:00 AM

Biting my face with twisted cries
         Howling and piercing
         Its voice never ceasing
         Begging for release
         From eternal torture
         Touching everything
Leaves swirl at my cold feet
         Minute tornadoes
         That scrape the street
         Mixing with twigs
         Crunching beneath my
         Sullen black boots
The clouds above remain still
         Slate tears will soon fall
         From icy-black faces
         Slurred as one eye
         To unleash its regrets
         On my fallen soul
Night forms in afternoon
         Melancholy skies
         Turn black, unnoticed
         Hidden by darker clouds
         Silence fills the Heavens
         Descending on earth
Yet I continue my journey
         As screams rise quickly
         As debris whirls about
         As tears fill the air
         As Death¡¦s sister awakens
         As I walk on, unnoticed

----------------------------------------------------

This is a new style I decided to try, but I don't know how well it works. Gimme some suggestions/criticism/etc. please!! I'll try and visit more often, but until rehearsals are over I really don't have time...

"Am assured,receptive,responsive women of substance. My sense of self comes not from other people but from myself? That can't be right." Bridget Jones

[This message has been edited by D edgar Grey (10-20-2002 01:01 AM).]

~K
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 104

1 posted 2002-10-21 12:45 PM

This is wonderful! I'm not sure what your normal style is like but this definately works. So what's up with the rehearsals?

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

2 posted 2002-10-21 12:49 PM

Ugh...rehearsals. I was cast as the lead character in my school play ("Bang, Bang: You're Dead). There are a lot of lines to memorize, and rehearsals last two hours...every night after school. So it's very draining...but definitely worth it!!

Thanks for the compliments! I wasn't too sure about this style, but I figured that Pip was the best place for advice. Thanks!!

Zai jian.

"Am assured,receptive,responsive women of substance. My sense of self comes not from other people but from myself? That can't be right." Bridget Jones

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

3 posted 2002-10-21 02:58 AM

This, my friend, was great. Enjoyed it much. I like this style of write. Greatness!!
-Tanya

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

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