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Dark Poetry #3
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WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486


0 posted 2002-10-15 09:12 PM



Falling

This isn't the urge
rooted in rising
chest tension hollow throat
dry mouthed automatic
yearning; higher
processes craft each
overfull heartbeat.
No one stimulus,
triggered by random
hopes of vague
nature. Help me.
My mind is not my own.
Each cravings melts
away under another
ahead of comprehension;
examined, need is gone.
Or so many crowd
no one soul can satiate
the overflow. Help me.
My mind is not my own.
Lacking a part
the whole is surrendered-
every want is a condition
of another. Spinning
in cyclical spirals
down the coils of
Death, my mind cries
Help me.
My mind is not my own.

© Copyright 2002 Dea_Di_Amore - All Rights Reserved
FuzzyFrazzledFraggle
Member
since 2002-09-20
Posts 155
Fraggle Rock
1 posted 2002-10-15 11:50 PM


you write things my Muse wants me to write but I won't..I won't listen but you do it so well..painful..*hugs* haunting..echoing..

Consider yourself fuzzed

[This message has been edited by FuzzyFrazzledFraggle (10-15-2002 11:51 PM).]

majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
2 posted 2002-10-16 12:23 PM


the refrain of my mind is not my own detracts from the piece. cut the last line.

aside from that its interesting but a but cliched.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
3 posted 2002-10-16 10:51 PM


Nor is mine, Etoile

*Kiss*

Je t'aime

clumsy
Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106
canada.
4 posted 2002-10-17 10:15 AM


i like the feeling of falling.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2002-10-17 01:35 PM


"examined, need is gone.
Or so many crowd
no one soul can satiate
the overflow."

At least you can flow out into words.  You express such deep emotion, and so well, it hurts.


WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

6 posted 2002-10-17 01:56 PM


Thank you for reading and the replies...

Marti...hugs....miss hearing from you. Thank you ...

H.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-10-18 03:08 PM


Crumble into someone.

Now!

M.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

8 posted 2002-10-18 05:39 PM


ah so the Squirrel says crumble into someone... him the romantic hedonist he is.... would. (chuckling)

Very nicely written... there is a build of tension in the poem and it conveys well the spiral of being consumed... good writing...and while I can guess at the intention or motivation of the poem, i'll just say that I'm a dumb old country hick..andit made me think of an old something I read years ago about two eople in love should not be consumed nor walk one in the shadow of the other, but be as partners and walk side by side, sharing both in the joy and the pain, neither stunting the other by denying them light to grow..
to give oneself without giving up oneself...

dang..I am rambling... sorry...

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