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Dark Poetry #3

Contradiction

Hapless
Junior Member

since 2002-09-22

Posts 10
NY, USA

0 posted 2002-09-22 12:44 PM

Buddha says,
life is suffering.
Buddha says,
life is beautiful.
Contradiction
by Calvin Klein.
By you.
You say you love me.
I say I love you.
You say you hate me.
I say... nothing.

Critiques?

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2002-09-22 07:47 PM

Life is beautiful.
Life is ugly.
Truth is somewhere
in between?

enjoyed the mindfulness of this,
mindful of the contradictions
of Life

arthur
Senior Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 678
england

2 posted 2002-09-23 05:30 AM

enjoyed
arthur

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-09-23 05:31 PM

Space it out--

Buddha says,
life is suffering.
Buddha says,
life is beautiful.
Contradiction

by Calvin Klein.
By you.

You say you love me.
I say I love you.
You say you hate me.
I say...

nothing.

I really enjoyed this, Hapless. However, I don't think beauty and suffering are necessarily contradictions. You might need suffering to achieve a better beauty later on -- or, to understand the beauty that you do have.

Still, no critiques on this poem except spacing -- give it emphasis where it needs it, and let us pause for the wit.

Mike

Hapless
Junior Member

since 2002-09-22

Posts 10
NY, USA

4 posted 2002-09-23 09:09 PM

Thanks for the suggestions, they really helped

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