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WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

0 posted 2002-09-12 09:11 PM

Fear
as your eyes shifted
towards my small body

Control
as you grabbed me
and threw me down

Power
as you forced
yourself over me

Silence
as my screams
were drowned out
with your sweaty palm

Pain
as the grip on my fragile wrists
grew tighter and tighter
and your knees dug into my thighs

Panic
as everything grew black
mere suffocation left
my whole body numb

Peace
as I closed my eyes
and let myself go
forever....

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

1 posted 2002-09-12 11:39 PM

This piece really has a feeling of pain to it that makes it more realistic; while keeping the reader in a mixed feeling of anger and fright. Very powerful. I've written a few things about abuse/sexual abuse/self-abuse, but I've always been to nervous to submit them. Incredible job...

paradise
New Member

since 2002-09-12

Posts 1

2 posted 2002-09-12 11:53 PM

I think that your poem, "Powerless" is great. I can relate to it. Just wanted to say that I like it. I think you are a great poet. Keep it up.

A. L. Becker
Member

since 2002-09-06

Posts 167
San Francisco, California

3 posted 2002-09-13 01:21 PM

very scary.
Annika:-

"Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit."
-Eliot

smitty-j
Member

since 2002-09-13

Posts 72
Florida, USA

4 posted 2002-09-13 02:31 PM

I think you got the name of this wrong..I think its powerful. J

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-09-13 04:07 PM

H.,
The companion of Little Girl,
hair uncombed,
face a mess of tears

and the talent of your words.

Mike

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

6 posted 2002-09-13 04:35 PM

No, rather empowered, I think.

You are a wonder.

~Ed

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

7 posted 2002-09-13 08:05 PM

Impressive writing here. This is a gruesome description of the occurance of rape. You have organized the poem well into "snapshots." I am unsure that this technique benifits the poem's unity. However, perhaps it was your goal to create a somewhat fragmented account. In any case, this was a good piece of writing.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

8 posted 2002-09-13 09:46 PM

Thanks guys for the kind replies and support...you people are so sweet.

DeaDiAmore

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