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Dark Poetry #3
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WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

0 posted 2002-09-12 02:13 PM



I will not
with shame of sin
atone again.

A mockery
this would be
of forgiveness,

of which
you know nothing
for blame will not fit
within the box
forgiven allows.

It overflows
and rots
in the heat
of fury

dried

parched

then remoistened
in the wet
of tears
you cry so easily

the water of your innocence
pools around the guilty

and I can't swim
weighted down this way
with the mill stone
of sin you place
upon and upon
day after day
until burdened
I've no choice
but to sink.

I will not with shame
atone again
and again
accept the sacrifice
demon
or move on to fresh kill.

WhiteRose

© Copyright 2002 Anne Thompson - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-09-12 02:19 PM


I am loving the religious metaphor/analogies I read here today...this is indeed an interesting read...and? I am smiling here, for I sense a cleansing of self, through a rejection of judgement by others--an atonement in itself...

loved it.

anya
Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393
London, UK
2 posted 2002-09-12 02:44 PM


'I will not with shame atone again and again', yeah I like that line, but anyway this is a powerful peice,
anya

WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

3 posted 2002-09-12 03:41 PM


Very nice work WhiteRose...enjoyed.

DeaDiAmore

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
4 posted 2002-09-13 11:15 AM


wow!
I heard a giant bell struck
at the end
last lines just----
CLANG!nnnnnggnngngn
LOVE this poem, Anne
"blame will not fit......"
yes
yes
brian

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-09-13 04:13 PM


Anne,
I think this is what spills out
when that box is opened
and destroyed.

.m.

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

6 posted 2002-09-13 08:56 PM


You've done well describing the idea of not forgetting after forgiving someone.  Your statements against this practice are decicive.  I especially like the final line in which you command the "demon" to accept your sacrifice or go onto some new kill.  Its use of the term demon to describe the person being addressed conveys a sense of inescapable nature.  A demon, being a demon, will continue to sin and do evil.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
7 posted 2002-09-13 09:06 PM


Thank you Serenity, your responses mean a lot to me. There was a cleansing with this poem. A sort of release from the prison of unforgiven. It's time to move on. Thank you for being so perceptive, it shows you are reading beneath the surface. I appreciate that.

Thank you anya. This was a necessary write for me.

Thank you Dea, I read everything of yours and for you to comment on my efforts means a lot to me. You create such delicate pictures, even when they are dark, still they retain the softness of your touch. I'm a big fan.

Thank you Brian, sorry for the LOUD bell. Hope it didn't hurt your ears.

Mike, yep, that is exactly what happens. It spills out and makes a mess of everything.


Fractal:

Its use of the term demon to describe the person being addressed conveys a sense of inescapable nature.  A demon, being a demon, will continue to sin and do evil.

Yes, and yes, and yes again. You got it exactly. Thank you for your indepth response. It is appreciated.

arthur
Senior Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 678
england
8 posted 2002-09-14 11:10 AM


there comes a time when you must forgive yourself.
Only then is it possible to move forward
arthur

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