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Dark Poetry #3
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~Allie~
Junior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 13
New York

0 posted 2002-08-31 12:27 PM


I cant breathe in without shaking
As the candle flickers out
the only thing that makes me feel un-lonely is fading
I'll let it burn out
Let me burn out
Light a match for a cigarette and your picture
Im burned, now its your turn
I think the smoke is attracted to my eyes
because they swell up in tears
The fire that consumes the last memory of you, goes to my hand
I watch as my fingers slowly burn off
-Pain on my hand dulls the one in my heart, so I whisper to the flames..
"Burn me away"

Allie

© Copyright 2002 Allie Vela - All Rights Reserved
MidnightSon
Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 312
between the gutter & the stars
1 posted 2002-08-31 03:53 PM


this reminds me of a friend o mine that used to coat her hand in hairspray and then light it on fire. she'd put it out before it burned through. (or tried to... got a nasty scar on her left hand from lettin it go too long one time.)

but to your write.
if you extinguish a match's flame, it never comes back.
just a thought.
i like the mood of this.
not sad...but something....

it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown

[This message has been edited by MidnightSon (08-31-2002 03:54 PM).]

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-08-31 07:13 PM


~Allie~,
Only metaphor, right? (I'd hope so -- or you couldn't type poem very quickly)

Mike

Dragon Mistress
Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289
Washington, USA.
3 posted 2002-09-01 01:40 AM


Good piece!! Much liked
-Tanya

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

Chameleon
Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 99
Australia
4 posted 2002-09-01 07:49 AM


I cant breathe in without shaking
As the candle flickers out
the only thing that makes me feel un-lonely is fading
I'll let it burn out
Let me burn out
Light a match for a cigarette and your picture
Im burned, now its your turn
I think the smoke is attracted to my eyes
because they swell up in tears
The fire that consumes the last memory of you, goes to my hand
I watch as my fingers slowly burn off
-Pain on my hand dulls the one in my heart, so I whisper to the flames..
"Burn me away"

-----------------------------------

I like it, its quite emphatic.
The images leave me not sad, not pity, but numb... There goes to show of my character.

~Allie~
Junior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 13
New York
5 posted 2002-09-01 10:31 AM


mike~ yes it is only a metaphor.. i would never burn my hand off or id be left with scars to remind me of the guy...



brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
6 posted 2002-09-02 10:58 AM


Damn!
this is GOOD
looking for more....
brian

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