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Dark Poetry #3
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Zall
Member
since 2002-08-25
Posts 214
London, England

0 posted 2002-08-30 09:30 PM


I lie still
My consciousness slipping away
Neither asleep nor awake
All sensation seems distant

The buzz of each neon letter before it glows
The slow trickle from the corner of my mouth
The warming of the cold floor beneath me
The whisper of falling rain

Who I used to be doesn’t matter
This doorway’s unwanted guest
This city’s unwanted denizen
God’s unwanted son


© Copyright 2002 Aaron Zall - All Rights Reserved
Dragon Mistress
Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289
Washington, USA.
1 posted 2002-08-30 11:45 PM


*scratches head in thought* Hmm...
Its great work!  I loved it!!
-Tanya

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2002-08-31 12:23 PM


Nice n' hopeless, Zall

~wranx

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".      

~wranx~

Zall
Member
since 2002-08-25
Posts 214
London, England
3 posted 2002-08-31 07:28 AM


Thanks guys
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2002-08-31 09:22 AM


Good stuff...wranx said it well with 'hopeless' - yeah, there is that quality about...

I think we've all felt this way sometime or another...more times than we care to admit hah...

you reached me with this one..

K

MidnightSon
Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 312
between the gutter & the stars
5 posted 2002-08-31 08:31 PM


this reminds me of those i see downtown with their lives wrapped up in a shopping cart.

and it reminds me of fight club.

a gray and melancholy portrait.

it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
6 posted 2002-09-02 10:43 AM


good 'n
powerful
yes
does remind of fightclub
liking your style, Aaron
brian

[This message has been edited by brian sites (09-02-2002 10:43 AM).]

Zall
Member
since 2002-08-25
Posts 214
London, England
7 posted 2002-09-02 06:04 PM


Thanks for praise guys, fight club was great, does remind me of it reading the piece through again.

"sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken" Tyler

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
8 posted 2002-09-03 12:45 PM


Been late on the welcome Aaron...(kinda partial to the name...hubby spells it the same way) enjoyed the read- and welcome from lil ole me!!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-09-03 03:37 AM


Okay...here is serenity's blues clues of spirituality...

I feel like it's a mystical scavenger hunt. Each of us, in search of a very personal "Holy Grail." And? It's not that we ain't wanted by God, but just that we ain't done yet.

Great poem.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-09-03 11:51 AM


Zall,
We all get
doorway-sleepy
now and again.

Mike

Zall
Member
since 2002-08-25
Posts 214
London, England
11 posted 2002-09-03 06:27 PM


Thank you all, glad you like it

Aaron

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