Dark Poetry #3 |
Crimson etchings |
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Crimson etchings of a darkened soul (pull me in, hold me close) Chaotic wanders of the mind Tattered eyes, rendered blind. Sparsely concealed neath moistened cloak “don’t be cruel” (ah- you’ve spoke!) Now crawl above chaliced remains No more silence no more pain. Borrow wings of hope (on loan of course) challenge Fate- kiss the source. Aiding aching- (mend the broken) “can’t go alone” (again~ you’ve spoken) Stealing tongue in breath of wind To tremble dance away in grin. Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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© Copyright 2002 Tanya Nicole Bustamante - All Rights Reserved | |||
PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
wonderful |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Yes'm, "d" you do more slash than stab with this, ya do. Glad your back from, whatever. ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... is sometimes, intolerable. Bukowski [This message has been edited by wranx (08-12-2002 03:40 PM).] |
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desolation angel Junior Member
since 2002-08-11
Posts 20east coast |
i think i have taken a mad liking to your style. beautiful. don't undress my love |
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shadowchild458 Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 117MN,USA |
[Flame removed - Ron] i shouldn't have said that but i know nothing else to say if you want the truth [No, you shouldn't have. Now you know. Comments should be constructive and ALWAYS about the poem, not the poet. - Ron] [This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:15 PM).] |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Want to thank the above blessed souls for commenting... [Edited - because one flame shouldn't generate another - Ron] Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... [This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:17 PM).] |
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shadowchild458 Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 117MN,USA |
[Flame removed - along with posting privileges - Ron] [This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:19 PM).] |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
did I miss cat-fight? "Don't be cruel" (in my best elvis) miss tanya cept to me, course man, I do love your your worddancings sibri I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles |
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EveGnosis Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300New York, USA |
as do i dear. (stroking an ego that deserves it totally) although the flames have been extinguished, and only dying embers remain, your eyes still glow. thanks for sharing so much of you, even to those who don't want it, and thus remove themselves. (support added here) i'll always need a friend, one i can defend. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
siBri & my special M... I want to thank you guys for your support!! You all will have to excuse me on this post, as I've started to look at things here alot different...but? I do cherish friends like you two and couldn't ask for anything more!!! Will be dropping lines as soon as relocation permits...ack! only one more week till the uhaul!!! love you guys!! sighin smilin D Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
very vivid and very dark and I like it If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come? |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
'very vivid and very dark" Well said, Moon Dust. I enjoyed this piece. A few lines caught my eyes - if you don't mind, I'll offer what I might change? "Crimson etchings of a darkened soul (pull me in, hold me close)" Love these lines. Crimson is such a beautiful word, no? "Chaotic wanders of the mind" I keep thinking "Chaotic wandering" would sound/flow better. No? Maybe? LoL. "Tattered eyes, rendered blind." LOVE this lines. "Sparsely concealed neath moistened cloak “don’t be cruel” (ah- you’ve spoke!) Now crawl above chaliced remains No more silence no more pain." "Borrow wings of hope (on loan of course)" "On loan of course" seems a bit... forced, out of the feel of the rest of the poem. Just a thought. "challenge Fate- kiss the source. Aiding aching- (mend the broken) “can’t go alone” (again~ you’ve spoken) Stealing tongue in breath of wind To tremble dance away in grin." Again, an enjoyed piece. Pukka. Sincerely, Titus "I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come." |
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