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devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali

0 posted 2002-08-12 12:04 PM


Crimson etchings
of a darkened soul
(pull me in, hold me close)
Chaotic wanders
of the mind
Tattered eyes, rendered blind.
Sparsely concealed
neath moistened cloak
“don’t be cruel”
(ah- you’ve spoke!)
Now crawl above
chaliced remains
No more silence
no more pain.
Borrow wings of hope
(on loan of course)
challenge Fate-
kiss the source.
Aiding aching-
(mend the broken)
“can’t go alone”
(again~ you’ve spoken)
Stealing tongue
in breath of wind
To tremble dance
away in grin.


Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



© Copyright 2002 Tanya Nicole Bustamante - All Rights Reserved
PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439
I am everywhere
1 posted 2002-08-12 02:19 PM


wonderful
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2002-08-12 03:40 PM


Yes'm, "d" you do more slash than stab with this, ya do.

Glad your back from, whatever.


~wranx


The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.      

Bukowski

[This message has been edited by wranx (08-12-2002 03:40 PM).]

desolation angel
Junior Member
since 2002-08-11
Posts 20
east coast
3 posted 2002-08-12 06:10 PM


i think i have taken a mad liking to your style.

beautiful.

don't undress my love
you might find a mannequin:
don't undress the mannequin
you might find
my love
-bukowski

shadowchild458
Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 117
MN,USA
4 posted 2002-08-12 10:15 PM


[Flame removed - Ron]

i shouldn't have said that but i know nothing else to say if you want the truth

[No, you shouldn't have. Now you know. Comments should be constructive and ALWAYS about the poem, not the poet. - Ron]

[This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:15 PM).]

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
5 posted 2002-08-13 01:54 PM


Want to thank the above blessed souls for commenting...

[Edited - because one flame shouldn't generate another - Ron]



Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...


[This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:17 PM).]

shadowchild458
Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 117
MN,USA
6 posted 2002-08-13 03:13 PM


[Flame removed - along with posting privileges - Ron]

[This message has been edited by Ron (08-13-2002 03:19 PM).]

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
7 posted 2002-08-13 10:54 PM


did I miss cat-fight?
"Don't be cruel"
(in my best elvis)
miss tanya
cept to me, course
man, I do love your your worddancings
sibri

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

EveGnosis
Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300
New York, USA
8 posted 2002-08-14 12:57 PM


as do i dear. (stroking an ego that deserves it totally)
although the flames have been extinguished, and only dying embers remain, your eyes still glow. thanks for sharing so much of you, even to those who don't want it, and thus remove themselves.
(support added here)

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
9 posted 2002-08-14 03:11 AM


siBri & my special M...

I want to thank you guys for your support!!

You all will have to excuse me on this post, as I've started to look at things here alot different...but? I do cherish friends like you two and couldn't ask for anything more!!!

Will be dropping lines as soon as relocation permits...ack! only one more week till the uhaul!!!

love you guys!!
sighin smilin D

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
10 posted 2002-08-14 10:58 AM


very vivid and very dark and I like it

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
11 posted 2002-08-15 04:47 PM


'very vivid and very dark" Well said, Moon Dust. I enjoyed this piece.

A few lines caught my eyes - if you don't mind, I'll offer what I might change?

"Crimson etchings
of a darkened soul
(pull me in, hold me close)"

Love these lines. Crimson is such a beautiful word, no?

"Chaotic wanders
of the mind"

I keep thinking "Chaotic wandering" would sound/flow better. No? Maybe? LoL.

"Tattered eyes, rendered blind."

LOVE this lines.

"Sparsely concealed
neath moistened cloak
“don’t be cruel”
(ah- you’ve spoke!)
Now crawl above
chaliced remains
No more silence
no more pain."

"Borrow wings of hope
(on loan of course)"

"On loan of course" seems a bit... forced, out of the feel of the rest of the poem. Just a thought.

"challenge Fate-
kiss the source.
Aiding aching-
(mend the broken)
“can’t go alone”
(again~ you’ve spoken)
Stealing tongue
in breath of wind
To tremble dance
away in grin."

Again, an enjoyed piece. Pukka.

Sincerely,
Titus

"I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come."
            -Abraham Lincoln

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