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| Dark Poetry #3 |
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beccymelling Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31Birmingham, England |
My roots Bound like bonsai Confined in denial As they callously pruned my personality. I reached for the light They butchered my branches No nurture – The loveless gardeners planted This seed. My stunted emotions Burnt twigs Left on the shelf For all to see – Look At Me! What you see is what you get. There is nothing else left. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Rebecca Melling - All Rights Reserved | |||
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
I really liked this piece- it's imagery was great you've got me imagining what kind of tree I'd be. (maybe a weeping willow ? LOL) The last two lines kind of threw me though... I'm not sure I'd change them I kind of like them just thought the imagery and feeling up to this point was evoking a more powerful ending |
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beccymelling Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31Birmingham, England |
hi StarrGazer Thanks for your reply and comments. A bit stumped now...trying to think of a better ending! Its great to have these things pointed out, its hard to be objective towards something you are close to. If you have any suggestions for a better ending, please feel free! Beccy |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
I like them but dont sell your self short tho  If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come? |
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beccymelling Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31Birmingham, England |
Thanks Moondust |
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