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beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

0 posted 2002-08-09 01:57 PM

Rapacious glancing at my own echo,
The allure of a mirrors smooth sheen.
Apprehension clouding each glance,
Grasping for insight,
Others perceptions of
That fusion of features.
A glassy gaze probing
External divulgence of inner chaos.
Painting eyes wide and lucid, injecting
Amicable animation into agitated lips,
Unfurling the frowning brow.

Stepping into rhino thick skin,
Nurtured conspicuously for the world,
Perfectly crafted to encase the jellified interior.
Knitting together my ambiguous bones,
Knotted with a seething mass of arteries and veins,
Vessels pumping the corrosive yellow
Bile of irrational thought,
The acidic burn of jealousy
Surging to the aneurysm of my brain.

The skin buffed as a bubble,
Its lustre enabling humanity to skim the surface,
No friction upon which to catch,
Nothing to prolong scrutinizing gazes
lest they unpick the stitching,
Unable to stem the haemophiliac oozing of
Desperation.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

1 posted 2002-08-09 02:03 PM

Gosh, I just read this on your site. It is as good here as it was there.
Welcome to PiP, and the "Dark". looking forward to more.

~wranx

The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.

Bukowski

beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

2 posted 2002-08-09 02:12 PM

Thank you wranx! Its nice to feel welcomed.

I found this site today, and feel this particular forum is probably best suited to my ramblings.

Take care

Beccy

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-08-09 02:38 PM

Wow. A fear of bleeding, or a fear of TOO much bleeding? Loved it.

Mike

beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

4 posted 2002-08-09 07:56 PM

Thanks Mike!

Where does the name bsquirrel come from??? intrieged!!!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

5 posted 2002-08-11 01:14 AM

This is some good writing...you have a good vocab working there...

A suggestion - have you thought of dropping the initial caps from the start of every line? It might give the poem a little more flow...

good work, will be looking out for more..

K

beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

6 posted 2002-08-11 08:07 AM

Hi Severn

Thanks so much for taking the time out to offer your encouraging comments.

I'm new to poetry writing, and didnt realise that you dont "have to" put capitals at the start of each line....I think it must have been something I picked up from school and never investigated!

Thanks for the suggestions, I'm here to learn so its great to pick up these pointers.

Beccy.

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

7 posted 2002-08-11 06:48 PM

I like the way you assoitated the feelings with the imaagary

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

8 posted 2002-08-11 08:10 PM

Thank you

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