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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2001-07-30 02:34 PM

A little girl stands by the street,
Tears streaming down her angelic face,
Shivering in the icy December winds,
Her only a warmth a sweater of lace.

Why is she crying?
What does she fear?
Everyone just passes her by,
Why can’t they hear?

A little boy hangs his head in defeat
On the verge of stumbling from this place
He runs down the street, slips around some bends,
Crashes to the ground, they call him a disgrace.

Why is he crying?
What does he fear?
Everyone just passes him by,
Why can’t they hear?

The little girl helps the boy to his feet,
The tears he helps wipe from her face,
Then his jacket he offers to lend
To replace the sweater of tattered lace.

Why aren’t they crying?
Why don’t they fear?
Everyone just passes them by,
So why are they still here?

Her lip trembles as their eyes meet,
She puts her arms around him, falls to his embrace,
Wounds gone unseen beginning to mend.
He lowers his head by hers, his heart a race.

How’d he cease her crying?
How’d she quiet his fear?
Everyone just passes them by,
So they’ll just hold each other near.

Of all the things that I confess,
Here's one that is doubtless
I will love you always Jess
Never think I could love you less

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-07-30 03:58 PM

I thought the use of the refrain very effective here. I enjoyed the message, but particularly the construct of this. Nice flow and rhythm, too. Will be looking for more of your work!

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

2 posted 2001-07-30 05:57 PM

Adam ~ Like I told you before I am just simply speechless. But on a piece this wonderful I cannot go without getting my 2 cents worth in... LoL

I loved the symbolism. I can see this little girl standing in the streets and the boy, on the ground... She picks him up and he saves her in the most awesome way possible. I just can't find the words I want to say Adam... I loved this. So much symbolism, deepness, description... I love it. This is my favorite from you out of all of your poetry. Don't ask why - You know... Thank you, Adam, I love you...

Her lip trembles as their eyes meet,
She puts her arms around him, falls to his embrace,
Wounds gone unseen beginning to mend.
He lowers his head by hers, his heart a race.

This is my favorite stanza, the one that finally made me cry. Brought chill bumps too... It was just beautiful.
*hugs&kisses*