If I could walk up to heaven

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Ski*Chick
Member

since 2001-01-13

Posts 141
Fitchburg, Mass, Usa

0 posted 2001-03-09 09:53 AM

If I could walk up to heaven
I'd love to see my dad again
show him how I could walk
show him my book of poetry.

I'd bring Lucy and all my family
but I wouldn't bring my wheelchair
I'd bring my walker and braces
so he could be so happy.

I'd walk all around in heaven with him
I'd tell him I love him alot
I'd hug my dad and never let go
I'd tell him I miss him.

Then at the end of the day when it was time to go
I'd say bye dad since I never got to say bye
I'd hug him he'd hug me
Walk back to my house.

~*~Minna~*~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-03-09 10:16 AM

Ooh... this one was very good, Minna. I detected a note of improvement.
You have been getting a lot better.
The thing I loved about this piece is the last line. "Walk back to my house." There were a few things in here I didn't notice until reading it a second time...
"Walk." Even after seeing your father, you would still want to impress him. So you would walk all the way back, not in your wheelchair, but with your walker and braces.
"My house." Okay I'm not sure about this but... I figured you didn't say "our house" because you are beginning to accept your father's absence. So you realize that it is no longer his house, that his house is in heaven.
Either way, this piece was marvelous. Sorry to have over-analyzed the last line.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

2 posted 2001-03-09 02:21 PM

I thought this was extermly good, Minna. Your poem was beautifully written. You show the traits of determination. great work!your father would be proud
Regina

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-03-09 06:01 PM

Your father would love this and I know he does. NIcely done here Minna.....talent...you got it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-03-10 12:13 PM

Beautiful Minna. This really played on the heart strings.
Your father could not be prouder to have such a talented writer for a daughter.

Great work.

~AF~

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
Homer Simpson

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-03-11 09:06 PM

Are you trying to make me cry Minna?
This is so touching....
my heart skipped a beat
I'd love to see more of your work
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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