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Teen Poetry #4
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Crystal Catacombs - Rain Song (entry 4)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Crystal Catacombs - Rain Song (entry 4) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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treading along in the merciless rain shrieking, the droplets, in judgement they fall monotonous rhythm alive in my brain monotonous rhythm defeating us all treading away through the thick, liquid night limping, a lifeless, defeated cliché pebbles of water corrupting my sight pebbles of water to cleanse the decay treading away as the heavens descend riding it swift to the earth, as a drum pressing me down, as the child I transcend pressing me down, as the beast I've become treading abreast to the phantom inside keeping me sane with her stories of life soothing me cold for the tears I have cried soothing me cold, my companion, my wife treading along in the merciless rain shrieking, the droplets, in judgement they fall monotonous rhythm alive in my brain monotonous rhythm defeating us all |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Crash&Burn Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119 |
It's very nice I specially liked "keeping me sane with her stories of life" and the last stanza also. I see the darkness coming all is bleak...  [This message has been edited by Crash&Burn (edited 03-08-2001).] |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
"treading abreast to the phantom inside keeping me sane with her stories of life soothing me cold for the tears I have cried soothing me cold, my companion, my wife" that was my favorite verse. that was an amazing poem Allan. Regina |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Allan, you truly have remarkable talent. I loved the dark flow, poignant imagery, and key repeating phrases....this is brilliant. Thank you for a wonderful read.  *Krista Knutson* "Can't run fast enough Can't hide I can't fly I'm struggling with the limits of this ordinary life..." ~Tracy Chapman |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
woah.. i liked this one the best so far good repetitions and description... probably your best poem detail wise.. im amazed.. cant wait for the next entry! JR "War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!" - Edwin Starr |
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shortilove_03 Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 20Arkansas, United States |
Allan, All I have to say is that I loved it. My fav. part was "Treading away through the thick, liquid night limping a lifeless defeated cliche. . ." Loved the whole stanza. Keep up the good work. =) Shelia |
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shortilove_03 Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 20Arkansas, United States |
Allan, All I have to say is that I loved it. My fav. part was "Treading away through the thick, liquid night limping a lifeless defeated cliche. . ." Loved the whole stanza. Keep up the good work. =) Shelia |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Shorti loved it so much she posted twice!! AND THE SAME WORDING TOO!!!! anyway....nicely done here Allan, Regi quoted the stanza I liked best. Mainly due to the last verse in it. Wonderful use of variety within styles allan, but of course, that doesn't need to be said out loud too often seeing as how you always post in dif. styles. *jealous* hehe  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hey Dopes, you're not the only one who is jealous.  Once again, another brilliant piece of writing. The repetition of the two last lines on each stanza really made all the difference. This CC series has been wonderful to read so far. Keep up the fantastic work! ~AF~ "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" Homer Simpson [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 03-11-2001).] |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Greetings Evil Companion Done much ruling of the world lately? LOL just kiddin~ Great poem though..and YES I AM REPLYING! seeing as you always tell me I never reply to your poems...great job though I love all your different styles..I dont think I could come up with all the ones you have if i sat for a week and thought about nothing but poetry. great job my friend *Keep doing evil lol lol*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
wonderful job Allan yes, you are very talented makes me wonder why I'm moderating you  thanks for the read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Silver Butterfly Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42Between here and the end |
O my goodness. That is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever read. All I can say is:wow. ciao |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
This is such a beautiful poem, Allan. You have such a gift for writing... I LOVED the style of this. This is so deep... I enjoy reading all of your work. Nicely done. *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Allan: Quite impressive. Sorry I wasn't around here much lately. This poem has some pretty powerful imagery. I liked it quite a bit. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
*sings* oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on meeeee.....*coughs* ok no. AnYwAyS. Yeah. Loved it.  ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I write many poems about nature and rain is among my favorite. You have a gift for imagery and an imagination to be proud of. Write more! Kathleen Blake "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
This one is my fav. From you so far... Keep sharing with us always. You are a wonderful poet and your work is magnificent. Into the library The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny |
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