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Teen Poetry #4
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A Hero In the Dark
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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A Hero In the Dark |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This is my attempt at using the sonnet form to tell a story. Sorry if the meter doesn't work perfectly. BTW, if anybody here who knows much about writing in meter could critique this, I'd be very glad. I know it sounds a little silly at parts, but it's my first experimentation with sonnet form. A noble man brought forth by towns on hill And mountain for a quest of great import Walk'd on toward his end. How like a fort Was he, without the fears and cries so shrill Of mortal men, but nerves of steel to fill His body with a courage of a sort Not seen in small nor even great king's court. Though orcs and monsters fought him, he mov'd still. He reached his destination in the dark. The skies were fill'd with fears and tears of gods Both great and small as each sat up to hark And see this war procede against all odds. They fought and fought till both men fell and died. Both good and evil dead. For both, all cried.... |
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| © Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
well done, i recomend not cutting off a line and continuing it on another line...but the ending was prolly the best part! JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Jeremy: I will try and keep that in mind, although a lot of the classic sonnets had six line long sentences. What I'm really not liking about my piece here is the fact that there are sentences which end in the middle of lines. I don't think you're allowed to do that in sonnet. Either that, or else I've not been paying enough attention to sonnets I read, lol. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I agree with Jeremy and I'd prefer if sonnets were written in abab form instead of abba....I like William's style  Besides that, Fractal....you're already good at it  keep sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Acire: Hm... I kinda like the abba better, prolly because I'm so used to writing in abab so much. It's been my standard for the past several poems. I should start trying something else. I've written a tanka that rhymed ababb. I should post that one sometime... |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wonderful Fractal. Just wonderful. I admire anyone who can write sonnets to this degree for I sure as hell can't do it. I'd love to see many more of these come from you as you certainly have a knack for them. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Anonymous Female: I will try to oblige you. I am glad that you liked it. Next time I will attempt more indepth content. I'm glad it worked out this time around. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here. I liked the scheme .....the ryhme scheme is what i mean. Anyway.......I have no clue about meter so I wouldn't be able to help. Just here to drop a line on how wonderful I think you did with it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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