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Teen Poetry #4
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Lacking Ecstasy
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Lacking Ecstasy |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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NOTE: Do notice that I despise this poem. I'm posting it because I really need to finish up the 6th Round and move into the 7th Track......so yea...here it is. Lacking Ecstasy: The Ooo's The Aaa's Lost for a while Sent in exile The touch The tease Wishing to see Wanting to be The moan The sweat Waiting with time Not calling it mine.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Cool, I guess... you may think little of it because we, as poets, tend to not like our short-lined work. I had a very short-lined one that I ~hated~ and everyone else loved. It's not rare. And this one? Not bad at all. You got the point across. -Allan The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
agreed with allan on the short poems but i liked this one much. nice title too JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
You need to get better? Did I read that right? You need to take an honest, objective read at your poems. There's a difference between 'needing' to get better and 'wanting' to get better. Before I critique any of your work, I need to see that you have the mindset of wanting to get better. Not that I can critique your work, cause it's so much better than mine...  Rhonda "I am Canadian" - Joe "When I find the right guy for me, I'll love him no matter what he does or what he's like" |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dopey_Dope: What do you mean by 7th round? I didn't mind this one too much. I suppose that it could have a little be more volume. However, I do enjoy your ability to hold your own in a casual style of free verse like the type that you write in. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well frac.......I devide my poems in groups. Each group starts and finishes in accordance to certain events that happen in my life that switch my train of thought.....or my main topic of writing. I have many groups..........most containing an average of 55 poems. 1. In the Beginning 2. 3rd batch 3. 4th wave 4. 5th cycle 5. 6th round 6. 7th track Now......the 6th round was a weird time for me.....my inspiration was amazing. I have 152 poems alone in that one. For the past 20 years I've been posting poems from the 6th Round in passions. I'm sick of it.....I only got about 15 more to post, thank God!!! I want to get to the 7th track so you can see how I write NOW.......not half a year ago. I hope that helped you out frac. Oh and sky......yes.....i NEED to get better, and i WANT to get better. NEED= because I have billions upon billions of bits of knowledge about poetry I need to learn. WANT= my desire craves it to everybody else who replies.....muchas gracias!! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Dopey_Dope encourages Constructive Critiques: "Basically critique everything. I need to get better." You're a good writer, no doubt about that, but I'd love to see you write in full sentences, even once. I think you'd be better when you do. Just my opinion So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dopey: Whoa!!!! Somebody who does the same thing I do. I have separate eras in my life[at least I designate them as such]. It makes for a pretty entertaining life. Is there any particular reason why the eras/phases in your life are named the way they are? Right now, I'm coming out of my own impressionistic era[that was present in my poems such as "Unexpected Cutoff" and "The smallest house" These presented the emotions coupled with sketchy details about their causes]. Well, anyhow, I like your ideas, lol. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ok hehe......well frac..... In the Beginning is titled that way because those were my 1st poems.....the Beginning. then I started off in the 3rd batch automatically because it's 2 era's trapped in ONE batch......1+1=2....but my mind was messed up and i said....1st+2nd era= 3rd era..... made sense..... then I just continued to number them....the last words. batch, wave, cycle, round, and track..... those are just words which in some sense can mean a GROUP of things... uh.....I promised myself once I get out of PR I'd stop numbering them and I'd give them actual names like "bodily fluids". haha I wouldn't give THAT name, but it's an example. So yea........in 5 months I'm outa here and I'll embark on another train of thought. thanks for your interest.... I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was tres bon. it might need a bit more volume as someone said, but i also could picture what was happening quiet well. I havent seen your latest stuff...but great work on this one.... Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Dopey, anyone ever tell you you can be very confusing when trying to explain poems? Well, like it much (the poem, not the confusion) and you're whole rounds thing completely lost me. Are the poems in the different rounds inspired by different things per round, or not? I don't have rounds, but if I did, there would be about 150 poems for Justin all written in the past seven months. Let's not go there. He called! Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that you are an awesome writer and I think it's awesome that you want to get better. Okay, my fingers are tired of typing, so bye~ I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I've been paying close attention to your work but haven't had the strength to reply to much of anyones so don't feel like I am skimming over work. This one is going to my library Dopes. You may despise it but it is a good piece of writing. geez..poets that pick on their own work.  ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 02-22-2001).] |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Dopey, I haven't been around in a while so I haven't seen where your writing has gone. This is a change of pace from what I was used to seeing. I liked it, but nowhere near your best work. I also wanted to tell you that I liked the idea of grouping your poems. I am definately going to have to steal your idea, or at least part of it, if you don't mind! "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Allysa, thanks girl!!! hehe Anon.......well it's cool to know yer paying close attention.....makes me feel all cool. And keoni........you can't steal it, but we can share it....how about that?..... Anyway a lot of poets do that sort of thing. It's called organization.....hehe Anyway.....adios! and thanks for replying! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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MysticalAngel7 Junior Member
since 2001-02-24
Posts 20 |
I finally found one of your poems. Sorry it took so long for me to reply back. Thank you for your post in my poem "No Way Out." I think your work is very good. It has alot of meaning and said in few words. I think... Why waste time on writing long drawn out sentences when something can be explained in a few words..- not that long poems aren't good... I have a few myself. But both works. Hope to seem more of your stuff. OH... and I do like the idea of the phases of poetry... But I think my life and poems are a little to confusing to put into groups... but good idea. -Always... Carissa Neither the angels in heaven above,Nor the demons down under the sea,can ever dissever my soul from the soul, of the beautiful Annabel Lee -E.A.Poe |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks carissa.....yea well this is not my best piece......it licks. And I don't really classify the groups by WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT...... I classify them by time periods. like......the one i'm working on now started in late November and is still presently being written.....thus this 7th track has lated 3 months so far.... Anyway, thanks for the reply! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Gosh, I haven't replied to this one yet? Good job on it, it is good  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.therainforestsite.com |
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