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Spirit of the Forest
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Spirit of the Forest |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Hey all. This is an experiment to see if I can sustain the separate idea separate line concept of Haiku poetry, but this time having a poem that continues to alternate between 5-7-5 syllable lines. I hope you like this. A place in dark woods Some mysterious unknown Drops of honey touch See your face on the water Hear wind rustle trees Smell some intangible place Taste life in the air In wonderous distant realms [This message has been edited by fractal007 (edited 02-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Neat idea, posting a practice exercise. I should do so myself sometime. I do the same thing with formats that I'm not good with (you should all see the acrostic I did for Carly. ~_~) Anyways... enough about me. It looks good, Fractal my friend. This one piece is interesting. Did you ever feel the need to make a prolonged Haiku/Senryu like this? You should try Tanka. It's a format that goes 5-7-5 and is followed by a seperate 7-7 conclusion. The format is a fun one. Unlike Senryu or Haiku, they are not restricted content-wise, so you can write them about anything and still call it Tanka. Give it a try. They usually turn out pretty good, even though the name of the format sounds like a three-year-old's favourite toy truck. I like this piece of yours. From one Haikuist to another, I salute you. -Allan The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Allan: Thankyou for the compliments. I don't think I've ever felt the need to do something quite like this. In my earlier days[about 5 months ago] I wrote spiritual poetry that consisted of senryu stanzas. This one was inspired by the forest scenes in the anime movie Princess Mononoke. I thought that they were really well drawn, and so I decided to write an extended haiku about them. I will try Tanka sometime. LOL, I remember those little trucks. Except that I think it was spelled Tonka instead. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this....not your best in my opinion, but I thought it was well done and you have a great eye for expiramentation.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I disagree with Dopes I thin this is actually one of your best ones Sometimes, simplicity is better i like it a lot thanks for sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i dont like those kind of forms but it seems you did a good job at it..its a very experimental poem and it turned out great, keep on writing JR Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Hm... It seems that I might have some fun conducting further experiments with this form in the future. There seems to be a large amount of division among everybody as to whether it was good. But that is good. Helps me understand more about what's good and what's bad about this style... |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
You've done very well with this style you've created. I admire anyone who is brave enough to experiment. Thanks for sharing the great results with us!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
 Yanno..I enjoyed this. Do you mind if we use it in the next Newsletter? |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
shhh! I'm just putting you on the shelf of my library.  |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Temptress: Sure, I would like it very much if you used this in the next newsletter! |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Fractal, Thanks. I'll enjoy including it! |
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