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Teen Poetry #4
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Knife (senryu)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Knife (senryu) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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put your knife away if you think that I'm bleeding you are mistaken < !signature--> Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 01-13-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
WOW~~~Very meaningful senryu I LOVED it. You are a very gifted writer never give it up, and keep posting please. ~Amanda~ [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-13-2001).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
are you saying that no matter what you do to me, you can't hurt me, so dont try? well.. anyways nice senryu  ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
I am along the same lines as Jeremy here... or rather that is the impression I got... I love this one as much as all the others you have written... you have a great talent and I look forward to the next inspiring peice you write!! Great Job Allan!! Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This one was actually different the first time around than when I revised it. Melz insists that I share the original with you. put your knife away can't you see that I'm bleeding? where's your compassion? ...i changed this to the one higher up because I realized that I _wasn't_ bleeding in that situation after all, i was just annoyed. I altered it to express annoyance rather than genuine pain. Oh, and Amanda? Yeah, I won't ever stop posting. This place rules, and by sharing our work we can give and gain from one another. I absolutely love this place, and you all should know that my productions are often nothing more than everything you offer me, filtered into words. Thanks everyone. -Allan Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was very good. the whole knife thing is quite intersting. keep posting allan. Regina |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one here.....I liked the revised version better.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Allan, I love both of them they both have such different meanings but are great none the less. And you are right this place does in fact "rule" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Nice job on this one, it says a lot. I like the revised one better as well, I think it makes a more powerful statement. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
wow, as always great work, on both of them. There is no way I could do anything that good in that style of writing. You gotta gift man so you better keep using it. And keep posting. >¶Øʆ< |
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