»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
trying to find the words
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
trying to find the words |
|
|
SunnyDayz New Member
since 2001-02-10
Posts 1 |
Standing side by side. You were right there, Next to me. So many things I wanted to say, But instead I said nothing at all. Standing side by side. I turn to speak, But words don't come. Our back to the wall, We look around in silence. You begin to move. Wait don't leave. I try to speak once more, But it's no use your gone. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 SunnyDayz - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this........I really like the sense of you just getting left hanging there at the end. Kind of sad if you ask me. Very nicely done here........and welcome to passions.......I do hope you post more and enjoy your stay!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Welcome to Passions!  I hate moments like those. When the words are there in your heart, but they're missing from your lips. Great poem! I am no one if not myself. Angel of Darkness |
||
|
Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
Welcome to Passions! Great first poem.. I know what you're talking about. Keep em coming! *Jennifer |
||
|
Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
wow, thats really a very sad poem. But wonderful as well, plus me likes the sad poems. Great first poem, keep it up. >¶Øʆ< |
||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Welcome to Passions! This is a wonderful first post. I can definently relate to this. It seems that we never seem to have the courage to say what needs to be said until it's too late. You describe it well. Thanks for sharing PS-check your e-mail  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
||
|
Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
this was good, keep writing. :o) |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions You've done a great job of showing how this feels! I hope you stay around and post more for us  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
||
|
Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
I like this poem very much. You expressed your feelings very well. Welcome to passions i am sure you will love it here as much as I do. Keep searching, we are here, you only have to find us.~ Amanda |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS I'm glad to see that you've decided to join our family of poets. I hope you find this site as enjoying as everyone else does. If you have any questions with regards to anything here in Passions in Poetry, don't hesitate to email any of the forum moderators. Enjoy  I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
||
|
Andrea4writes Junior Member
since 2000-12-03
Posts 31Fayetteville, NC USA |
WELCOME WELCOME...HE HE THAT WAS REALLY GOOD I LIKED HOW YOU LEFT IT HANGING AT THE THE END LIKE THAT KEEP IT UP I WILL KEEP READING PROMISE <3Andrea ~luvs~ Anthony,<3 You only live once so live it to the fullest.. Love comes and goes but friends stay for ever~!~!~!~!~! |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I love how you expressed the situation in this piece. You create a great unity between yourself and the person you speak of. It makes it evident that she and you are in the exact same situation. It almost makes you seem sympathetic of one another. Welcome to Passions. I see you have a talent for making odd underlinings to a piece. I'll keep reading your work. -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
||
|
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wow! this was really good. it always seems that the moment you need to say something the most you can never find the words within you to express how you really feel. *sigh* oh have i been there, but neways..good poem, keep it up *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
||
|
StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
this was a very good poem. To let you know my completely honest opinion, it could be an excellent poem with punctuation to speed up and slow down the reader at different spots. I'm simply speculating here, but I would guess from how you wrote it, the poem would be helped a lot by taking out the periods after "standing side by side" both times in the poem. Then for dramatic effect, I would think either a run of periods or dashes after "You begin to move" might emphasize the movement and stress the "Wait don't leave" better with an exclamation. It's simply punctuation, but if you haven't really thought of the importance of punctuation before then it could add a new dimension to your writing. |
||
|
~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
this was great! i liked it a lot great first post. i hope you like it here... we're like the brady bunch. there's a whole lot of us, but you'll get annoyed with atleast one of us before the "episode" is over LMAO j/k hehehe enjoy it here. We do.*Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes* |
||
|
Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
A very sad poem... And very true.... You have great expression in this one... I like it a lot. I look forward to reading more... Keep posting!! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
