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Teen Poetry #4
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Allan's senryu challenge
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Allan's senryu challenge |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
kindda dumb but this is all i can think off right now Found "Passions" online This is the day I was born Poems is my life sorry if that was gay  if we are talking about my real birthday, here is the senryu for it Crying newborn child Felt all the pain from day one Cursed into this hell I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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| © Copyright 2001 acire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Acire, you should do that more often! I absolutely loved both of them. The first I can relate to, this is definitely my first experience where I can share my feelings and thoughts with such a vast group of individuals. The second one is powerful and pessimistic. I love it. ~_^ Greatly done, Acire. I truly think that you met the challenge well. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha The second one was good acire, but I'm laughing at your own comment about the first one "sorry if that was gay".....haha that was funny.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
I believe you met the challenge very well. I just love your first one I feel that way also, and about your second i feel that way alot so it makes me very sad that others feel that way to. Great job though. ~Amanda~ [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-13-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very good Acire. Sometimes we all feel like that, one day there will be a ray of sunshine in your hell. Good luck! xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
lol I was also laughing at your own comment... i liked the 2nd more because it showed me how you feel about this world and your life. ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
That was great, you really should do that more often, they are not at all gay... keep it up... Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i liked the simple, straight-to-the-point way in which you penned these senryus..makes me more able to relate to and identify with  |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks for the nice words guys and girls  I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
They're both cool....I joined 6-7-99, so in that sense we share a birthday! The second one reminded me of another poem, called "Birthday," and descibing the birth of a child and comparing it to jumping into enemy territory. The last lines went, "Sentenced me to life. I guess I deserved it." LOL! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Excellent job on both of these. I liked in jenn's reply: "one day there will be a ray of sunshine in your hell." "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey there. I liked these much much. I was smirking about Jenn's comment too..hehe...Well keep sharing. We luv ya!!! ~Carly inspiration of my art search for light out of the dark all the pictures in my heart lie awake there in my fog... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks  I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
I'm not exactly sure what senryu's are (meaning how they are supposed to be written and stuff) but these were pretty cool *L* and funny too! |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hey Mister. I didn't like the first one very much but the second I could really connect with. Three simple lines but you express so much. You need to write MANY of these. You do them very well. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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