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Teen Poetry #4
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Candle
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Candle |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(as you all know, I have been quite uninspired and slow lately, writing little and posting nothing the least bit creative or skilled. But I think that my problems have ended... with all of your help, i am getting my edge back...) Candle burn bright provide me with light provide me with warmth and hear of my plight All here is dark not but a spark just a floor littered with faded pen marks I'm so alone my, how I've grown Candle, do you remember all that I've known? grassland we'd tread water and bread all of those things now broken and dead all because I reached for the sky for that illusion not knowing why do you recall my inevitable fall? just when I'd thought that I had it all? What made me lift? and kept me adrift? for such a long climb the plunge was too swift how foolish, my eyes were fixed on the skies i not once looked down for fear of surprise the feel of the land the soil and the sand i pledge my allegiance to Gravity's hand But, what's that, you say? That I need not stay? you say you'll come with me and show me the way? Candle burn bright provide me with light your time has not come yet so teach me to write (i hope that I am regaining my edge... please be honest. thank you all so much. -Allan) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Allan...(crying) this is sooo beautiful it is making me cry. And about having your edge back it is so much more then back. Keep writing and inspiring us all.I can only dream to one day write as wonderful as you do. Please keep posting and have that candle burning bright always. You have really made me feel a lot better about my problems. Thank you for sharing ~ Amanda~ [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-13-2001).] |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Allan, I don't believe that you ever lost your touch... this is an amazing peice, I absolutely love this one... it is great... I love your work and this has not let me down at all... "all because I reached for the sky for that illusion not knowing why do you recall my inevitable fall? just when I'd thought that I had it all?" This is my favourite part... I think a lot of us know how this feels... Till next time... Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Amanda- Thank you very much for the kind words. It's nice to hear that I have affected you so deeply. You all have a great affect on me, it is a relief that I can return the favour. I hope that you and I get to know one another much better. Melster- It's always nice to hear your unconditional praise, Mel! I hope you are being sincere. It means a lot to me that you are so supportive. Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Well, you certainly have not lost your edge Allan ... the flow is excellent in this piece, and the rhyming scheme is just lovely. Beautiful thoughts to compliment the structure, very nicely done!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Baby Gansta Junior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 24 |
WOW! is all I can really say...I haven't read many of your poems....but I can honestly tell you this piece was amazing...words can not describe how it made me feel....you really made my day...thanx Allan! |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
First off. I truely want to be honest (because honesty is needed sometimes.) I did notice a slip in your writing (excluding your brilliant senryu's.) lately. It seems you have grasped your writing back. Well after talking with you on ICQ, you pretty much told me what this poem was about... Basically all of us is your candle and you need us to help you write and you need us to help yourself. Great poem Allan; your definately coming together. ~JDR < !signature--> "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-13-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
this is really beautiful as your other poems that i've read are i never so a lost of touch in your other ones keep it up my friend keep sharing and i'll definitely keep reading I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
lost your edge?!?! Looks like you've just been in the back room sharpening it. Great work and like most everyone said great rhyming scheme. >¶Øʆ< |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a nice one Allan. Didn't notice a fade in your skills.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
What more could I say that the other's haven't covered already? I don't think very much, so nice job "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
bump... >¶Øʆ< |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
um... gee thanks, POA. Did not expect that to happen. Ah, well. Consider this a repost then. We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hmmmmmm........I read the whole poem over thinking it was a new one......I was about to write the same exact thing I wrote before. .........well thanks Acid for bumping this....your head will be cut off sooner or later by the great san.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was very pretty. I've gone back and noticed I really haven't replied to a lot of your work...That will now change. I can't say I completely get the point of this piece, somethings just sail over my head, if you'd care to explain to me in further detail, maybe I would feel a little less dumb. LOL I liked it though, I got this overall...good feeling from this. Well, off to read more. Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol thanx for bumpin this jenn! id been meanin to go through and read all of allans work but just havent bothered yet sooo ill just get wut uve done for nows  allan.....*hugs* this was just wonderful. i loved everything about it and im addin it to mes library. nothing else to really says cuz everybody else has alreadys  so newayz i loves ya muchs bro tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” I want to look into your eyes and see you smile at me I want to hear you say "Well done" [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-23-2001).] |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Allan your work never slipped or lost its edge. You have an amazing talent for weaving images and emotions with words. I think your poetry inspires us all to keep writing, in my own opinion. It at least inspires me to keep writing. This is yet another awesome piece from you. Please keep sharing and don't ever think you've lost your edge at writing. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow  ...this poem...i LOVED it...this is my fav i've read from u allan...truly beautiful and meaningful....amazing poem ,my friend if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-24-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*bump*...page one this poem just blew me away... ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!! |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
This is great. I love it, partly to do with the fact that I get it. I think. It flows beautifly and leaves this feeling in you. well done. katie [This message has been edited by katherine (edited 05-26-2001).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
allan, i will be honest...i don't understand some parts of this poem and will like your explanation... grassland we'd tread water and bread all of those things now broken and dead what do you mean by this stanza? But, what's that, you say? that I need not stay? may i ask where is the speaker staying? thank you for your time...i guess there must be something that escapes me since so many before me didnt have the same problems |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Er...thought this one was read and replied to too. Sorry.  You've regained your edge and your latest works demonstrate this. Nice piece from a long time ago. ~AF~ "I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Faterider- Thanks for asking me. Well the thing about this poem is that it has a setting. The narrator has "fallen" from his point of grace, his high point where he thought he was untouchable. Now he is at the very bottom again, in a dark pit with no source of light but a candle. He talks to the candle as though it were his friends, his companions, and the people that look up to him. The first stanza you asked me about outlines the fact that he had taken everything for granted, and now he had lost it. Everything that he thought was even mediocre was now gone, because he wouldn't appreciate it. Second part you asked me about, he refers to "staying" in the bottom of this pit, that his candle offers to provide him with support on his way out. That he can regain what he once had. This is what I was saying. Hope this answers your questions, once more thanks for taking interest.~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I really like this piece Allan. I don't think that I've actually seen much of your work, so I'm looking forward to seeing more. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thank you allan for your patience... its rather cool to have a deeper understanding of someone else's writing... |
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