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Teen Poetry #4
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In the Waking Hours of Insomnia
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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In the Waking Hours of Insomnia |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada 
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My insomia feeds upon the hours of night, I shall never sleep again if this will continue pulling me down into the depths of the unslept, my body feels heavy and raw, my eyes red rimmed, swollen and causing me pain My dry lips, which are so soft and pouty during the days when I could sleep The mixture of fear and pain rushes though out my body The fear of sleeping back into my nightmares and the pain of knowing what will happen if I sleep The hours of this dark night are getting longer and more menacing The days I have not been able to sleep are getting up to five The pink, sour pills i must swallow for the most needed sleep, do not work maybe I should a couple more? would that help? no it won't I see old monsters crawling from under my bed, the ones that use to live in my closest oh, god this is not right, im seeing my nightmares for when I was a just a little girl I want to yell, this is not real! Its not real! but I slowy drift of into a waking trance my body feels heavy and my eyes are swollen Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. [This message has been edited by Ina (edited 02-05-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Regina Levy - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this wasn't one of yer best, but still good. I got this weird feeling after reading it. Quite dark if you ask me. Is this due to the medication regi?  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Ina: Good poem. I can't really judge whether or not this is one of your better or worse poems, as I've not read much of your stuff yet. As far as criticisms are concerned, I think that your stanzas could be a little less cluttery. There are enjambments throughout the poem that lead to single word lines which do not seem to have much of a point in being separate from another line. This is my humble opinion, anyway. The wording in the poem was quite good, however. Your descriptions seem to flow and blend with your reactions quite well. Here is a little advice in dealing with nightmares. Analyze them like you would a poem. What colour is the monster, for example? Why is it that colour? This is just an example. Try to see if maybe the nightmare is just another way in which your mind is trying to tell you something. I know this sounds kinda mystical, but it can be fun. It also helps you get a much better look at the beast[whether it be some unreasonable fear of your dreams or something else], to see if it really does have teeth. But I bet that the beast is really there to tell you something. If you listen, you'll learn a lot of cool stuff. Hope this helps..  |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Javier-your right this one isnt good, but thats what happens when you dont sleep, yes its that damn medicine Fractal007-analyze a nightmare, i rather forget them.... thanks both of u for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Personally... I did like this one. *shields the tomatoes* Really! It's what happens when you can't sleep. One stanza hit me above the others. "The pink, sour pills i must swallow for the most needed sleep, do not work maybe I should a couple more? would that help? no it won't" Shows your disgust for the drug, and a bit of confusion and conflict. You describe them vividly (pink, sour)and your question that you answer for yourself shows the experience you've had. Hey, I DID like it, but y'know, each to his own. -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
ahaha I come prepared with tomatoes!! lol Regina, I could really relate to this poem quite alot. The entire theme of insomnia and nightmares hit really close to home. The whole 'heavy eyes and dry lips' is so very familiar. Thankyou for such an interesting read. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
the poem is really good.....though i do prefer the words in the same sentence on the same line. But that is youre style and im not gonna take that away from you. You did a good job. thanks for the share I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
Hi Regina!! I like this one I have totally been here before. But never because of medication, I hate insomnia!!!www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Fractal really went out on a tangent! lol. Nice poem here Ina, I am currently in this state too! Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awww she wrote a poem for me! Okay yeah I know ya didn't. But this is exactly what I gotta deal with, I'm sorry that I'm not the only one...Supid pills... ~Carly "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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