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Teen Poetry #4
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Faucet
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Faucet |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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Plink That's the sound of the faucet Such a simple, silent sound makes me stir upon the ground Plink, plink it's coming faster now Don't disturb me, let me sleep find another soul to tease are my fingers longer now? or is the water.... deep? Plunk, plunk it's growing louder now on the bathroom floor, my village pirates coming pirates rob and kill and pillage Splash, splash it's overflowing now with each successive slaughter it gets hotter and hotter is this... even water? Hiss... A steady stream I can't move I'm trying I'm dead Hiss.... You're dying I twitch I itch I'm alive Hiss..... plink, plink ..... ..... ..... then survive |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
What the hell are you talking about? Nice desciption and onomatopoeia usage here. Still, what the hell are talking about!?! Your style is very eccentric... give me an explanation you freak!  Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Allan to be perfectly honest, I didn't actually like this one. *waits for the beating*  It didn't feel, to me, to have the same ring or emotion as your past ones. Just my opinion though. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Very creative... "Plink" is my new favorite word! LOL But I am a little confused... what are you trying to really say? "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
Ok, The very begining of this one reminded me of the day I had my Memory Book @ JRTI, and someone put it under the faucet...That really pissed me off!!! Allan, I'm a lil lost as to the meaning behind this one...can you elaborate?  www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Yes yes, please eleberate here, We're all in the dark, I fear Interesting poem though "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Allan, eggman. your getting weirder by the minuit.....hehehe It was a different poem but intersting. not one of my favorites by u. Regina when i wish for you, i wish that could we lie side by side hearts entwined. |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Allan, can I say...uhm...WOW? If not thats ok... >¶Øʆ< |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Great Poem, Allan. Personally one of my fav. from you, but i believe it may some need explaination for the others to understand. I do admit it takes awhile to comprehend it, but it has a great meaning Thank you for sharing this with us all. Suit yourself~The most powerful phrase a person can ever say. Once you hear it you will never be the same. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I personally did enjoy this one. Very creative and well done. I hope to see a bit more of this. I did see one line with alliteration and some onaonaopia....however it's spelled. Nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Allan, i'd appreciate a little bit of explaining here, thanks I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sorry fellows. Confusing poetry loses its impact after it is explained. AF, thanks for being honest. It makes me feel better for all the poetry you DID like. Everyone else, thanks for the raised eyebrows. ^_^ -Allan |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Confusing? Yes. Crazy? Even more so. But I'm glad you're eccentric and out there sometimes, I mean...the world would be boring without a little of that, Allan. Keep em coming. Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 05-23-2001).] |
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