Teen Poetry #4 |
as soon as i wake |
the day i tried to live Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 27the seventh circle |
as soon as i wake the world ends and you will begin then to see that nothing that once was ever will be ever will be real again for as soon as i wake as soon as i wake the songs of the revelers cease and the dance of this wheel comes to its finale -- a stirring finale, i hear oh yes, when i wake from this sick, twisted dream when all that once was is no more there in that place in that place with no space nor any such foolish design there in that place where time will not be in that void of eternity's lie there in that place as soon as i wake we will dance on this stage they call life |
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© Copyright 2001 the day i tried to live - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This is done very well, I like how it's written, the flow was great for me, and I'm using a lot of commas writing this reply. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Lovely. I especially liked the last line. Well said. Keep up the great work, and I'll keep reading. -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
this really had a great flow to it and the end really did justice to the rest of the poem.. it's good to see more talent like yours popping up around here lately.. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i'm not sure, but this might be the first poem of your that ive read. And may I say I am very impressed. You have a way with words. Thanks for the read and keep sharing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, i really liked this poem. Nicely done, wonderfully thought out. A true poem to relish upon here. VERY WELL DONE!!! I hope to see more of these kinds. The repetition is outstanding....i really liked this. My fav from you so far. Keep them coming! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Allan, your mean. Your only going to read it if it's good? Meanie This poem was very romantic like...and all the reality in it was nice. I really enjoyed your writing format. Keep'em coming plz... Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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