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Teen Poetry #4

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Mykels_Angel
Junior Member

since 2001-06-25

Posts 38
australia

0 posted 2001-06-26 12:55 PM

Confusion settles deep within
To a knot of bristling fear
Hard as lead
Icy, dead
My flesh does burn and sear
Panic to rage my feelings flow
Rage pounces upon my shoulder
I lift my eyes
Up to the skies
And stand upon a boulder

A mix of fury, helplessness, death
Scream echoes toward the moon
A howling wind
Black as sin

Intertwines with piercing gloom
I collapse upon the cool dark stone
My eyes alive with tears
I'm hollow inside
I should have died
And never known such fears

I mourn for those that break
Who can't stand strong
And face the world around them.

I cry for those that see no way out
They are usually searching too far
The answer is usually there fighting their thoughts

© Copyright 2001 Sarah Alford - All Rights Reserved

Dopey Dope

Deputy Moderator 1 Tour

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-06-26 01:35 AM

Nice poem....I saw some things that could have been worked on.....anyway, nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Mykels_Angel
Junior Member

since 2001-06-25

Posts 38
australia

2 posted 2001-06-26 02:08 AM

if you see anything that could be made better could you please make some suggestions

anonymous albert ?

Deputy Moderator 1 Tour

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-06-27 07:47 PM

i liked it as it is...the poem was quite the dark and deep...something with a meaning to think about...enjoyed...bye Sarah

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

4 posted 2001-06-27 08:18 PM

This poem is great how it is don't change it unless you want to.
Lauren

Love's Addiction
Member

since 2001-06-21

Posts 57
all around you

5 posted 2001-06-27 08:23 PM

i coulda sworn i already replied 2 this but i geuss not, nice job neways.

I can't hold on.....how do u think i've lost so much?....i'm so afraid....-Linkin Park

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-06-29 11:20 AM

Your ending was a little weak. You may want to work on strengthening that up a bit. Other than that, it was very well written.

Well done.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

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