Teen Poetry #4 |
A Saunter |
jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
I really want the feedback to be based upon the style and use of literary devices. Thanks and enjoy. "A Saunter" Walking through planks of wilderness, Reflections of you arise. Whether in rivers, brooks or waterfalls, Wonderment drips from my eyes. When you howl into the muted night, I hear winds of sorrowful cries. Winking stars show me it’ll be alright, Even when the joy in my soul dies. Whistling storms of your words comfort, Though you placed upon a disguise. Withered skin is eaten up so relentlessly, As I accept all our broken ties. Wishing we’d convert back to what we had, So I can exhale these weeping sighs. J.D. Raulinaitis [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-30-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Hallie_Angel Member
since 2000-12-06
Posts 102 |
WOW, That was very vey good and very very deep man. I hope to see more. ~Catherine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Uh oh.......I think jer has caught on to what I do a lot.......add abstract adjectives before concrete nouns.... I like your lines a lot here......very good. Wonderment drips from your eyes Winking star Stuff like that......very good. I also realize a little relationship with a lot of your work and it has to do with your style on nature. You seem to like it a lot. One of your best here jer......very good. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Everytime I read a new poem of yours, it seems like you outdo yourself all the time. This has gotta be your best so far in my opinion It will be hard to outdo this cause this is really good JD BRAVO!!! I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
An excellent poem, Jeremy! Well described, nicely written. I love how you created such clear images... makes me envious. Thanks for the read! -Allan |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
talk about the beauty of nature your work excites me very much... i agree with acire, this must be your best -Knightfellow ""I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking." |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
after reading the title a few times, i threw up... so i changed the title... thanks for the replies, this one must suck? "I am two minded. I have two sides of thinking." |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
WOW! This is amazing...Wish I had talent like that. Keep up the good work Jeremy! |
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