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Teen Poetry #4
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Us...........
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Us........... |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Every time that I'm with you, I always have to think of things to do, but whatever I suggest it isn't cool, and then you stare at me like I’m a fool, Do you still think you're the one? Do you think you are the one? Every time you're next to me, you got me itching like I got fleas, and when I ask to be alone, you go and wait for me at my home, Do you still think you're the one? Do you think you are the one? Every time that we're together, things never seem to get much better, and what ends up happening, is you blame me for everything, Do you still think you're the one? Do you think you are the one? It is true we fight a lot, but this isn't where our love stops, but this is where YOU and I end, and the word US begins, Cus I think you're the one, I think you are the one, I love everything about you, I love all the little things that you do. |
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| © Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
the questions in this are very effective. Great work! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Words_of_Glitter Member
since 2000-10-25
Posts 90USA |
Okay...I am confused. I liked this poem a lot actually, but at first it seems like the person is psycho obsessive and you can't stand them but then you change it around and it just didn't make sense. Maybe you could play around with it a little and re-post. I would be glad to search for the revised poem, because i thought a lot of this one right here. "Do not marry the one that you can live with. Marry the one you cannot live without." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
you seem to write your poems in this sense...i find it your own style and quite enjoyable to read...great job!...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
words_of_glitter: you're right about the way the poem starts, and i did flip the ending, but there will be no revise version cus the poem is just how i wanted it. I thought me flipping the poem around was a cleaver thing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I really liked the style of this poem. It seemed more of a song to me... Maybe if you put a tune to it, it could be a pretty good song too. Anyway, I enjoyed this. Nice work. --Marie "Imagine a pageant... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one here. I liked it a lot!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
me likes! yous a good writter! robin  I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL! |
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