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the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

0 posted 2001-06-18 01:52 PM

Ok this Goes along with dr. jo-bizz's last poem I can really relate with it I had a friend do the same thing hope you enjoy.

I remember a time when you and I would chill
talk about things stupid and find time to kill
run through walmart's parking lot in the shopping cart
at least until the day he took us apart

Getting out of the elevator to find it, we broke
playing bellboy in the mall just as a joke
I remember getting kicked out of all those stores
cause we played football and slid across the floors

"We ain't got no place to go lets go to the punk rawk show"
our theme song for life where it goes I don't know
staying up till 7 am just to get up at 8
finding something stupid just to debate

so where did you go, how long will you be away
will I see you come around again some day?
both prayed to the God of heaven and earth
but in our disobedience rebellion did birth

It caught you and strangled your very life
you broke your families heart caused them strife
what happened to "in God we trust"
I guess for you it was left in the dust

I see you know and you just walk away
not even saying hi or looking my way
I'm now your enemy cause I didn't follow suit
cause I couldn't become one of his recruits

so now in your self made darkness you lie
now in your rebellion and unbelief you die
I sit here and wait for you to come around
but for now you remain bound

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

1 posted 2001-06-18 02:24 PM

Hey,

The_Rescue, this power is very powerful I touched me. I almost cried, I really liked it. I am putting this one in my library. Keep up the superb work I am looking forward to it. Until your next poem

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2001-06-18 02:47 PM

Hey
The_Rescue, I really enjoyed the read and thought this was very well written well done.

Zu

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-06-18 03:01 PM

well written and powerfula s well...i liekd this poem...great job...byeW:ave:

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 97

4 posted 2001-06-18 05:38 PM

awww man... that was great. the wal-mart thing and MxPx quote really got to me. my closest friends and I do those things. high five by C13 too.
i think some word variation in one of the stanzas where you used "just" in two consecutive lines would be nice. i'm psychotic about word variation though... hehe.

dr. jo

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

5 posted 2001-06-18 06:26 PM

this was great

keep it up

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

*ChrisLover*
Junior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 46
erie, colo

6 posted 2001-06-18 06:56 PM

that was great! i was really in to it. i havent bee on the forum for a while ... and iam just now getting to get back into it. i love poetry and i hope to see you write more!
love janette

Everything happens for a reason.. sometimes it's bad, but sometime it's good!! just remeber there's people out here who care!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-06-19 01:36 AM

Very nicely done again. I enjoyed this poem a lot.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-06-19 03:15 PM

This is a pretty good poem. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Nice work.

--Marie

"Imagine a pageant...
In my head the flesh seems thicker,
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth,
And I need you now somehow." --Silverchair

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

9 posted 2001-06-21 09:45 PM

;lgajklgfdnhjaoiajroiaejrtoiajekoijpreitj[ipgjpoagj[oipea.......................ok went crazy for a minute. jimmy good poem.
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

10 posted 2001-06-21 09:52 PM

Wow, fab writing. Extremely powerful stuff. I love it!

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